i just have time for a quickie, but before you dismiss your public school based on preschool experiences, do you know if the public school could offer your son a 1:1 aide to deal with social/behavior and allow him to attend the gifted program. It might be worth asking. That FSIQ is very strong and would qualify him here in my area, so he is entitled to it even with accomodations- which means he needs the aide because without her he could not attend.. We almost did not do public school for same reasons as you (my son has High functioning autism) but were really pleasantly suprised at the package they offered. We live in a big district with a large ASD population, so that works in our favor.