My sympathies Labmom - I know I have selected activities in the past that I thought were perfect for my darling children - and turned out to be - not so perfect.
It is hard sometimes to know whether to keep pushing a child to continue or give it up as a lost cause. I don't know exactly how to 'pick up the pieces' in this situation, but some ideas...
Is it possible she'd give the camp another try after a break from it at home and some time to process what happened? Or maybe after a one on one discussion with the camp leader? (My DD was persuaded to give a camp a second try after an initial refusal - took some persuasion by my DH and the camp director. Eventually that camp was a success)
Sometimes I have given up on an activity after one of my children has shown an absolute refusal to participate. Honestly, if my child decides to stand there and not talk to anyone or participate at all - and my kids are quite capable of doing that for the length of the activity - it's a waste of everyone's time. I try to take the attitude that they're just not ready _Yet_ for that skill, activity, whatever.
Perhaps there are other ways to learn leadership skills that work better for your child? In a smaller group, or while doing another activity she enjoys?
Re: Inflexible thinking - my kids both demonstrate this trait from time to time. A resource that was recommended to us is The Explosive Child (http://www.amazon.com/The-Explosive-Child-Understanding-Chronically/dp/0062270451).
Don't judge by the title necessarily - my kids do not 'explode' but rather tend to shut down when things get overwhelming. THe book is really a lead-in to Green's 'collaborative problem solving' technique, which has some useful ideas (the main one being that children do well when they can, and when they can't it's because they haven't developed certain skills - yet).
