So, I thought I found a great camp option for dd12...a leadership camp....she has great leadership qualities so I thought this would be right in her wheelhouse.
After reading this post some may say that she does NOT have great leadership qualities? You may wish to work with her on a list of characteristics of leadership, what makes a good leader, etc.
Many families have used helpful resources such as:
- Gifted Kids' Survival Guide,
- What to do when Good Enough isn't Good Enough (perfectionism)
- What's Bad About Being Too Good (perfectionism)
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Great Potential Press -
Prufrock Press -
free spirit publishing -
Royal Fireworks Press -
Magination Press, American Psychological Association
- website
Social Thinking (emotional intelligence)
-
The Unwritten Rules of Friendship, which includes a chapter on
leadership it is all part of the leadership camp, that the point is to work together as a group and some situations are purposefully not organized to see how the groups work together in finding solutions.
It sounds like your child is most comfortable with a lot of structure and knowing what is coming next, but lacks the give-and-take skills to collaboratively brainstorm with others on what may be some good ways to structure or organize something?
Throughout the conversation I can tell dd has tuned him out
This is unfortunate as the discussion offered her the opportunity to gain insight into the process and exclaim,
"Oh, now I get it! When __X__ happens, I could do __Y__!" You may wish to attempt revisiting those conversations with her at home:
- What are some things you could have done differently?
- What are some things you might choose to do differently when a similar situation presents itself in the future?
Is she aware of signs that her tension is building? Might she learn to take a moment to compose her thoughts? Would a simple checklist help her?
- Is something dangerous (or does she just not like it)?
- Is something wrong, meaning bad, such as against the law, rules, or ethics (or does she just not like it)?
- Etc... questions tailored to whatever her sticking point(s) may be
the man makes very valid points that we have struggled with for dd....about how you need to go along with the flow sometimes, learning how to compromise, that a strong leader needs to not lead sometimes, that once you get to high school and college you will need to be flexible...all fine and good, we've danced this dance before with her and had made what we thought was pretty darn good progress.
Rigid thinking can be a sign of ASD.
it used to happen a lot, but we removed her from a fancy private school 2 years ago and into a smaller gifted school and it really hasn't happened much at all in the last 18 months.
What approach did the smaller gifted school take which led to success, and which you might adopt and use to coach her consistently in the same manner at home?
How can I help this kid? I don't want her to bail on situations that aren't going according to her plan.
One idea might be to not rescue her from camp under these circumstances.
I want to give her the tools to be able to be part of a team (that are not her peers)if the situation calls for it.
Some may say the idea of intellectual peers would not apply at leadership camp in the same manner it would in a classroom focused on academic curriculum.
if things don't go according to her idea of fair or just is debilitating.
You may wish to help her learn to articulate precisely what seems unfair, to whom it seems unfair, when or where or how or why it seems unfair, and what she deems would be fair, then listen to why things were done a certain way and why what occurred may be fair. This skill (presenting a problem, suggesting a solution, listening to the other side) can be a building block toward calm and productive self-advocacy; There are always multiple viewpoints.
Any ideas on how to give her the tools to ride out these patches without totally shutting down?
If she's not ready to practice these skills with others in person, possibly books may help, as she will tend to see similar concepts presented by multiple authors in a variety of words and pictures. This may help her realize they can't all be wrong... they may be onto something.
Another idea may be to brainstorm with her on finding the good. You might begin by an exercise in having her find the good in the camp activities, other kids, and camp leadership. You may wish to have her write a letter to the camp director thanking him for those good things which she experienced. She might even be able to come up with something which she learned (even if it was a latent thought which bloomed upon reflection at home after leaving camp).
