So, I thought I found a great camp option for dd12...a leadership camp....she has great leadership qualities so I thought this would be right in her wheelhouse.

First day went so-so according to her. She was not happy with the lack of organization and the teen leaders "fairness". Her words, I wasn't there so I have no idea. The guy who organizes it left me a message last night saying the dd was upset yesterday, but they thought they had it worked out.

We show up this morning and the adult leader just checks in to see if everything is OK, dd again reiterated the lack of organization and fairness issue, to which he says it is all part of the leadership camp, that the point is to work together as a group and some situations are purposefully not organized to see how the groups work together in finding solutions. Throughout the conversation I can tell dd has tuned him out, but the man makes very valid points that we have struggled with for dd....about how you need to go along with the flow sometimes, learning how to compromise, that a strong leader needs to not lead sometimes, that once you get to high school and college you will need to be flexible...all fine and good, we've danced this dance before with her and had made what we thought was pretty darn good progress.

This afternoon I get a call from dd in tears, come pick me up PLEASE...so I talk to the lead guy and after hearing what they both have to say think the best course of action is to retrieve her from the camp. She is in tears, thinks there is something wrong with her, why does this always happen...etc. Truth is it used to happen a lot, but we removed her from a fancy private school 2 years ago and into a smaller gifted school and it really hasn't happened much at all in the last 18 months. I feel like we have taken a huge step backward.

How can I help this kid? I don't want her to bail on situations that aren't going according to her plan. I want to give her the tools to be able to be part of a team (that are not her peers)if the situation calls for it. Let's face it 99.9% of the world is not like her, so unless her circle is very small she is going to need to make it work at times. I would love her to have the fortitude to not let the small stuff get to her.

We are homeschooling this year because her gifted school closed. I worry that we are by isolating her more this way, and it may be an even bigger struggle in the years to come. But I welcome the lack of drama.

She is great peer to peer(individual or group), or with adults, but has always struggled fitting in with same age mates. She is well adjusted, funny, outgoing, and creative, but this hurdle of letting her world fall apart if things don't go according to her idea of fair or just is debilitating. If you didn't know her you would think she is being defiant or is spoiled, but I don't believe that to be the case.

Ugh..how can I help this kid? She is sitting next to me beading right now and happy as a clam, totally over the earlier trauma, but I am heartbroken for her. Any ideas on how to give her the tools to ride out these patches without totally shutting down?

Thanks.....

After reading this post some may say that she does NOT have great leadership qualities? You may wish to work with her on a list of characteristics of leadership, what makes a good leader, etc.

Many families have used helpful resources such as:
- Gifted Kids' Survival Guide,
- What to do when Good Enough isn't Good Enough (perfectionism)
- What's Bad About Being Too Good (perfectionism)
- Great Potential Press
- Prufrock Press
- free spirit publishing
- Royal Fireworks Press
- Magination Press, American Psychological Association
- website Social Thinking (emotional intelligence)
- The Unwritten Rules of Friendship, which includes a chapter on leadership

It sounds like your child is most comfortable with a lot of structure and knowing what is coming next, but lacks the give-and-take skills to collaboratively brainstorm with others on what may be some good ways to structure or organize something?

This is unfortunate as the discussion offered her the opportunity to gain insight into the process and exclaim, "Oh, now I get it! When __X__ happens, I could do __Y__!"

You may wish to attempt revisiting those conversations with her at home:
- What are some things you could have done differently?
- What are some things you might choose to do differently when a similar situation presents itself in the future?

Is she aware of signs that her tension is building? Might she learn to take a moment to compose her thoughts? Would a simple checklist help her?
- Is something dangerous (or does she just not like it)?
- Is something wrong, meaning bad, such as against the law, rules, or ethics (or does she just not like it)?
- Etc... questions tailored to whatever her sticking point(s) may be

Rigid thinking can be a sign of ASD.

What approach did the smaller gifted school take which led to success, and which you might adopt and use to coach her consistently in the same manner at home?

One idea might be to not rescue her from camp under these circumstances.

Some may say the idea of intellectual peers would not apply at leadership camp in the same manner it would in a classroom focused on academic curriculum.

You may wish to help her learn to articulate precisely what seems unfair, to whom it seems unfair, when or where or how or why it seems unfair, and what she deems would be fair, then listen to why things were done a certain way and why what occurred may be fair. This skill (presenting a problem, suggesting a solution, listening to the other side) can be a building block toward calm and productive self-advocacy; There are always multiple viewpoints.

If she's not ready to practice these skills with others in person, possibly books may help, as she will tend to see similar concepts presented by multiple authors in a variety of words and pictures. This may help her realize they can't all be wrong... they may be onto something.

Another idea may be to brainstorm with her on finding the good. You might begin by an exercise in having her find the good in the camp activities, other kids, and camp leadership. You may wish to have her write a letter to the camp director thanking him for those good things which she experienced. She might even be able to come up with something which she learned (even if it was a latent thought which bloomed upon reflection at home after leaving camp).

She's still pretty young to have had much experience with leadership. She may have good qualities as far as deciding a course of action that seems right, but that's not the same as understanding where other people are coming from and how to work together to determine what's best. Is it an option for her to go back to the camp tomorrow?

Have you considered having her read some books about leadership? How to Win Friends and Influence People (Carnegie) is a classic and might be a good start. Learning to see things from the other person's point of view is so valuable. She doesn't need to beat herself over not doing that naturally. For most of us, it is certainly a skill learned with practice and by learning (books, TEDTalks, etc.) the fundamentals.

Good point. I should have prefaced by saying in variety of situations she does, this was an epic fail. :-).


I have some of these and will check out the rest - thanks.



The funny thing is my daughter said almost that same thing to the lead counselor, however, in practice I have seen the opposite side of her more often than not. She actually seems to thrive in a more free flow atmosphere with some structural limits.


Again this has been situational, she thrives in some environments and is a collaborative member, in others she did what she did today.



We have, and again she totally heard and got the gentleman's points. And she always has ideas of how to handle things differently, the problem is the heat of the moment takes over her brain, and we are back at square 1 or maybe 2 at this point and then she gets incredibly down on herself for letting it happen again.


This is the path I am going to explore with her now...


I'm sorry I don't know what ASD is.....


They did what we suggested, which is to give her the space to come to a good decision on her own. In general, if she has 5 minutes to escape from the situation to think about it she will make good choices. She did not have an opportunity today to compose herself privately and this may have exacerbated the situation.


It's a tightrope we walk...at some point you have to take into consideration the other people that are being affected which is why the decision was made to remove her today. But as I said to my husband today...I won't be able to rescue her in college so she is going to have to figure out how to work it out herself.




I would disagree with that, because I have seen it in play over the last several years.



Yep.



Good idea.


Another good idea..thanks indigo.

My sympathies Labmom - I know I have selected activities in the past that I thought were perfect for my darling children - and turned out to be - not so perfect.

It is hard sometimes to know whether to keep pushing a child to continue or give it up as a lost cause. I don't know exactly how to 'pick up the pieces' in this situation, but some ideas...

Is it possible she'd give the camp another try after a break from it at home and some time to process what happened? Or maybe after a one on one discussion with the camp leader? (My DD was persuaded to give a camp a second try after an initial refusal - took some persuasion by my DH and the camp director. Eventually that camp was a success)

Sometimes I have given up on an activity after one of my children has shown an absolute refusal to participate. Honestly, if my child decides to stand there and not talk to anyone or participate at all - and my kids are quite capable of doing that for the length of the activity - it's a waste of everyone's time. I try to take the attitude that they're just not ready _Yet_ for that skill, activity, whatever.

Perhaps there are other ways to learn leadership skills that work better for your child? In a smaller group, or while doing another activity she enjoys?

Re: Inflexible thinking - my kids both demonstrate this trait from time to time. A resource that was recommended to us is The Explosive Child (http://www.amazon.com/The-Explosive-Child-Understanding-Chronically/dp/0062270451).

Don't judge by the title necessarily - my kids do not 'explode' but rather tend to shut down when things get overwhelming. THe book is really a lead-in to Green's 'collaborative problem solving' technique, which has some useful ideas (the main one being that children do well when they can, and when they can't it's because they haven't developed certain skills - yet).

Possibly this scientific explanation may help her: its from the book, Make Your Worrier a Warrior, (2013, Great Potential Press) authored by Daniel Peters Ph.D. who lends expert insight to understanding what a child may be experiencing. For example, pages 44-45 suggest that parents may wish to think of acting out as
Armed with this knowledge, working on helping a child understand nuances of feelings and vocabulary to express their interpretation of what they are experiencing, may prove helpful.

You are on top of this. This camp and any others may need to know about the 5-minute technique, proactively. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Without an adult initiating an inquiry, your child may need to request to be excused for a moment, knowing that her request will be respected.

In this context, ASD refers to Autism Spectrum Disorder. https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/hcp-dsm.html
High-functioning Autism used to be referred to as Asperger's.
This article may be of interest as it compares/contrasts several observable similarities and differences between gifted children on the Autism spectrum and gifted children not on the Autism spectrum. http://www.grcne.com/giftedAsperger.html

Great word, great outlook.

Yeah my kids learn leadership a bit differently. Volunteering regularly to the point of competency in the volunteering activity so that when new people join he takes on a leadership role and is asked to take on more and more responsibility.

In his sport we talk about what makes a good teammate and what makes a good leader. He has slowly risen through the ranks as a newbie to leadership (quiet leadership as opposed to cheerleader type leadership). You can count on him and he leads by example and the team depends on him. (Actually he is on two teams a club team and a school team). He also volunteers with the little guys on the club team and they just adore him. Later as they grow with the sport the coach will turn to him to offer the little guys extra encouragement and pep talks when they need it.

In school he just does his work quietly and gets excellent scores and is very quiet. When he does speak, people listen. When he does crack a joke it is powerful (because it will be extremely funny and unexpected). He is still learning about give and take In group academic projects, easier to just take over and do it his way.

But he would absolutely hate a contrived leadership camp. A technology camp with 4 projects and leadership opportunities...great. A camp where you work on national history day projects with leadership or partnership skills as a benefit fine. Model UN, some sort of state government camp...all good.

I guess I think you need a real activity that you are passionate about and not just leadership as the camp focus...you won't be a leader at every activity or project.

Just my opinion

Well, this is my "duh" moment! Cookie you are brilliant...and I should have thought this through. In hindsight, I should have seen this coming a mile away, if I would have really thought about the focus of the camp. Not that this excuses dd's complete shut down today, but if I would have been a smart Mom I could have saved her the grief. We obviously still need to work on what to do when life isn't going your way aspect of all of this, and that will be the lesson I take away.

Yes, yes, yes...I have not had to advocate for her in this way for a while and apparently thought we were past the hump. She had been good about telling those that knew her when she needed space, but apparently this was not a situation she felt comfortable advocating for herself, and in retrospect I should have prepped the camp. Lesson learned.

I second the Cookie is brilliant comment! I think my DS would react similarly to a "contrived" leadership camp, even though he considers himself a leader because he has kind of a commanding personality.

Don't beat yourself up--it sounds like you were hoping to offer an opportunity for growth in a strength area and it was disappointing (for both you and your DD).

I'd be wondering: what was overwhelming? Was it overstimulating (too noisy, too chaotic)? Was DD upset because other children seemed to be more competent than she? Was somebody unkind or indifferent? Give her a little time to decompress and ask some questions about these things. Check in with her to see if she can identify any physiological reactions she experienced. I hate to keep pounding away with my "anxiety hammer" but it sounds like...anxiety.

FWIW, I'd have "rescued" too, since this is not a required activity and the only real lesson you'd be teaching (IMO) is that mom will throw you in the deep end to sink or swim. If she is prone to overwhelm/anxiety, I don't see a lot of good coming from that unless you've specifically, concretely communicated to her that this activity is necessary and you will help scaffold any lagging skills. No learning takes place if a child is so overwhelmed they go into fight/flight/freeze. I think she needed her adult and her adult showed up--that is also a good lesson, even if it's not the one you intended to teach.

I'm working through a lot of this sort of thing with my DS right now, trying to strike a balance between requiring some commitment to activities and understanding there are some major skill gaps. I think it's okay to take some time to reflect on what's most important for your DD's intellectual/social/emotional development and set some small goals, with scaffolding.

The problems she is having with this leadership camp sounds similar to the problems my son has with group projects in 6th-8th grade. He wasn't very flexible and had a hard time working with the other students. This was a huge issue for him in 6th grade. I had though the emphasis on group activities in DS's 6th grade class would be very good for him, turned into a disaster.

How old is your DD? Sound like early teens? For my DS16 (soon to be a H.S. junior) this type of issue has gotten a lot better as he has matured. DS's 7th grade teacher found that carefully selection who DS had to work with helped as well as a bit more adult supervision and direction.

From what it sounds like this camp is trying to have students learn these skills from working things out on their own not by giving specific direction. And while this works for many students, others like your daughter need a more direct approach. Doesn't seem like this camp is good fit for your DD, I wouldn't make her continue. It may just be the other kids she has to work with. Did she know anyone else there? Did many of the other kids all know each other already? The group dynamic can be really affected by the cliquishness of this age group.

I got better as my kids got older at choosing good activities but it doesn't always work out. I personally think it's easier to teach leadership if you are DOING things you already enjoy. I enrolled both my kids in good acting classes in junior high. Process over project classes, that were more about teaching real acting than putting on a play. My son is in marching band, it's very organized yet the students learn a lot of leadership. The older students are expected to mentor and help the freshman, take on leadership roles even if they aren't formal, and be a good example for the younger students. My son has gone to a sleep away camp for years and this summer took their CIT training. My older DD was in girl scouts and leadership is a very important part of that program. I suggest trying a group that is multi-age, where older kids/teen help younger ones.

Good Luck.

I also think this is brilliant. I was busy working on my own post but this is much better explanation than mine. My son would still to this day hate a contrived leadership camp like this.

I also think this is really important. I don't know enough about the actual curriculum of the camp to make any judgments, but if the whole concept is built on a process of letting the kids get their Lord of the Flies on (I'm exaggerating), I think that would be a non-starter for many, many (gifted and non-gifted) kids.

When I taught in a gifted program, there was one activity that a certain grade-level did every year--where they intentionally stressed the kids out of their minds and then discussed stress management. I never thought that was appropriate--kind of sadistic. But at least it was very short, not a "camp" situation.

I think throwing a bunch of kids (*especially!* who see themselves as leaders) together to problem solve without direct instruction is kind of a recipe for disaster. Middle school age is brutal enough with social dynamics, without encouraging this kind of survival of the fittest atmosphere.

It sounds like you have two issues - the first is what to do about camp, and the second is how to address the issues that have caused problems for our dd at camp. One thought that occurred to me, not knowing anything about the camp - what do you think the motivation behind most of the students attending is? Are the students there because they are the kids who are drawn to leadership roles... or is there a significantly sized group of students who are there because they are challenged with issues that prevent them from being a natural leader. If it's the latter situation, then sending your dd back to camp probably isn't going to accomplish anything in terms of her understanding the barriers that are leading her to be challenged with this aspect of leadership.

I do think you need to provide her ways to work through these challenges. If the camp is really good, really solid in how it's run, then I'd consider sending her back. OTOH, I think you'll need to do more beyond camp whether or not she goes back to camp. I would look for opportunities for your dd to participate in group activities where she's not in a leadership role, but where she can see another child take on that role and see how they adapt/etc to meet the needs of the group.

Best wishes,

polarbear

I think it was a combination of things. I don't think she felt like a valued member of the "team", I don't think it had anything to do with competency (if anything I think she thought she would be more competent at running it!), she complaining about it being too loud and chaotic, and just not a good fit for her. After having a great afternoon at home and a long talk with both parents I feel she actually made the decision that was best for her at the time. She wants to work on being able to remove herself from future situations in a more positive manner, as she realizes her behavior was not the best choice and did not give her a chance to recover without feeling embarrassed (her words not mine). Maybe we can all learn something from this...


Thanks - that helps, we feel like we make try to make the best decisions for our kids, but every now and then one wonders when being the rescuer does more harm than good. My hubby reminded me that she is only 12, and that rescuing is still OK :-)



Being a good parent really is all about balance...isn't it.

Well the camp was recommended by a friend, and was to be about building character, courage, team work and communication. I did not realize it was going to be "run" by high school/college students working on their own leadership skills vs. adults who mentor. Not sure if I knew that if it would have made me think twice or not about sending her. They wanted to provide modeling for young kids so they would be able to make good choices, unfortunately my dd saw nothing in her "leaders" that she would want to model, in fact, she was rather harsh in her assessment of their skills. I have no way of knowing if this assessment was deserved or not.

Again, what we have to take away from this is how WE act when we are faced with less than ideal situations. These things are going to pop up through life and she needs to find a way to be able to coexist.

That seems positive. It sounds like she is able to reflect and identify areas she could improve--when she's not overwhelmed.


Yup, 12 is young. It sounds like your conversation was productive--there is good in that, too. It doesn't have to be framed as "rescuing," anyhow. You could just think of it as picking up DD at a camp because she was unable to cope and you couldn't be sure it was a healthy environment for her in this stage of her development. At 12, I'd also be inclined to err on the side of caution. Kids have unique needs, no one-size-fits-all approach.

As an aside, my DD11 is in a Girl Scout troop that provides a lot of opportunities for developing relationship and leadership skills. Something like that might be a bit more organic. She's loved it and it has helped her become a social activist.

My first reaction was, "A leadership camp for kids, that's a thing?", followed immediately by, "That probably doesn't go well, does it?" Because I had an instant image of a group of five 12yos (every school teacher I ever had said middle-schoolers were the worst), all convinced they should be the leaders. So when Labmom said:


I thought, right, her and the rest of the group.

So I wouldn't think too hard on this specific situation. The pattern of behavior that this matches... maybe that needs more attention.

Put me in the column of parents here who support the notion that leadership skills are best developed organically. Unless some adult says explicitly that one child should be in charge (and that doesn't tend to go well, either, as handling authority is something many adults struggle to do well), children will naturally turn to a peer who seems to have the answers, or demonstrates success, or who steps up to provide whatever was lacking. Given their nature, our kids will be that kid in a lot of situations, so developing leadership skills in this case basically means putting them in group situations, and letting things happen.

This sounds just like what the leadership camp was attempting to do, but they self-sabotaged when they effectively told the kids, "COME BE IN CHARGE!!"

In fact if they aren't learned organically, they aren't learned at all. And I don't think this is an issue for kids only, or for leadership only.

This is why - at work - I want to poke my eyes out in order to avoid "career development" classes on mushy things like leadership, management, teamwork, mentoring, trust, women's issues and all the related Dilbert stuff. I have to do these "mandatory" classes all the time. I can honestly say I've never applied a single thing I "learned" in them. They are artificial, useless and profoundly irritating.

To the extent it's useful for your daughter - let her know that it's not just her!

Sue

This is an interesting perspective. Organically learning... do you mean people somehow just figure out how to be good leaders by trial and error? I would submit that that isn't necessarily so.

IMO, there's some good research that can help us make sense of some of the "soft stuff." I say this having had both hands-on learning experiences and camps/courses/books that supplemented those experiences.

Well - I suppose I mean something more like observation and opportunity, rather than trial and error. As we grow, we all observe good leaders. Then, opportunities rise, and a person may be assigned a leadership role or step into one that's unfilled. They emulate what they've seen, they add their own spin, see how it works, and maybe modify the next time.

But honestly, I think there is some IQ analog for leadership (and those other soft things). A person has a certain capacity for it, and it will develop if they are given opportunity. Absent the capacity, it's just not going to happen, no matter what artifices are applied.

Caveat - I'm just speaking from my own experiences. I have absolutely no expertise here.

OP - sorry to stray from your original question. But I think the thread could show your daughter that her distress may not have been an entirely unreasonable response to the set-up.

Sue

I have been slightly beating myself up for not truly understanding the purpose of the camp. My bad. I thought it was going to be a situation where the kids would put their leadership skills to the test, not a situation where one group was in training to teach another group how to lead. Maybe if my child would have been in the leading/training group she would have been successful :-) But as a "trainee" she was an epic fail.

One reason I did sign her up was because she does need to learn to work together better. She is pretty good at getting the job done and having others follow her, usually through some kind of democratic process. And she is also a pretty good follower IF there is a strong leader. The problems come when the leader isn't strong and she tries to right the situation by taking over (not always a welcome thing!)

I have always said she will be a great leader, however it remains to be seen if it will be a dictatorship or a democracy. I would prefer the latter....

Again, if nothing else, this whole episode reminds me that we still have work to do about how we go about communicating our displeasure over something. How we can not let a set back dominate our lives, but rather how we need to learn from it and build character in the process. I would like to not have to learn this lesson anymore, but I fear it will be a lifelong one for dd.

Organic to me just means uncontrived. I do think there's value in direct instruction about conflict resolution, organization, implementation, perspective-taking.

As an aside-not sure the people I recall as "leaders" in adolescence are exactly the role models models I'd select for my kids...the movie Mean Girls comes to mind.

Don't beat yourself up over it. It happened.. it didn't work out you removed her from it. Not the worst thing to happen. You and your daughter learned something from it and you move forward. Find her a group activity that has a bit more focus and supervised more by adults. Keep in mind these are junior high kids. Socially this is one of the hardest ages and I'm sure that played a part in why this didn't work.

Not just trial and error, but observation and direct experience from the other end, too. You can observe others in leadership positions, see how effective their methods appear to be, and see if that's something that might be effective for you. And when you're being led, what factors make you want to follow this leader? Which ones make you want to ignore them?


I agree, I just think it needs to be handled differently when presented to 12yos, because this is an age group where rebellion and hormonal changes are beginning in earnest, and social skills are definitely in the "emerging" state. It would probably be best to teach this age group leadership skills without explicitly saying so.

Yes, I think observing and emulating is definitely a large part of this.

It's also never clear to me what people mean by "leadership".

[quote=DudeI agree, I just think it needs to be handled differently when presented to 12yos, because this is an age group where rebellion and hormonal changes are beginning in earnest, and social skills are definitely in the "emerging" state. It would probably be best to teach this age group leadership skills without explicitly saying so.[/quote]

Totally agree with regards to age! I think the camp in question is a bit ambitious given its population. ;-)

OK, so you have a camp. You group the kids and give them some kind of fake task and expect them to learn leadership. Obviously this is a recipe for failure.

Because in a group, there can really only be one leader! So self-organizing ensures that the kids learn team work (hello, teamwork camp) but not that they will learn leadership.

Now, teamwork is a useful life skill and it sound like your DD could benefit from additional experience with it. Take that as your lesson -- dealing with stress, learning teamwork, coping with perceived and actual failure -- those are places to help her work on. And you have years yet to do that.

I don't want to get too down on the camp, because it apparently works for a lot of kids and does a lot of good for others. Just wasn't the right fit for my little camper :-)

Disagree. That notion of rigid hierarchical management doesn't often work well in the real world. Optimal results are usually achieved by teams that can dynamically, often subconsciously, pass the leadership baton among the various members, at the appropriate times. And here again, that appears to be the sort of thing the camp is attempting to achieve.

For example, here we are, parents of gifted children, ultimately in charge, but "child-led" is a common theme on this forum, and the connotation is positive.

Well, I see your point, but I guess I don't think the dynamics of middle school are going to reflect this without some guidance. Middle school really is more Lord of the Flies.

Anyway, I apologize. I didn't mean to derail the larger discussion.

Oh, I don't know. I still vividly recall one HazMat training session in which our "trainer" proudly proclaimed that he was a TERRIBLE multi-tasker, but that he felt that his tunnel vision was a real strength. No forest in HIS trees, thank-you-very-much.

This was a real epiphany for me at the time. No-- not that it made me respect him (every PhD in that room-- which was most of us) basically was hiding the fact that we had all just SNORTED in unison), but that it made me realize that he was serious. He really felt that this made him a superior being to those of us "big picture + details" people.

I'm guessing that "leadership skills" probably don't mean the same things to all people, either.

I agree.


Labmom, I'd try to view this entire experience as a learning experience for both you and your DD. It's good that you rescued her from a situation that was beyond her ability to manage/fix, but also (maybe?) some good can come from her having seen and experienced it.

This is where I've encouraged DD to go Jane Goodall with other human beings and group dynamics. She winkled out what that mean girl dynamic was all about in all its guises rather quickly by doing that. That's been an ENORMOUSLY valuable thing for her. That really has made for great leadership skills for her.

Thought this was apropos timing from the Davidson Facebook site just now:

http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/Articles_id_10674.aspx

Wow that outline is great...so if those things were being taught and modeled in a club, or organization, or group with a mission, task, or project that everyone was invested in...then perfect.

So scouts, robotics, environmental or civic group, charity, or work committee...perfect places to work on these things. Even family meetings planning something.

This is where I gratuitously mention 4-H.

How could I forget 4H?!

And Destination Imagination.

And FFA if you're in a school district that offers it.

Thanks for sharing this timely resource.

Favorite take-aways:
1 - Lead by asking questions.
2 - Being a good leader in one group doesn't mean you'll be a good leader with another group.
3 - Create an atmosphere of competence.
4 - Building connections and appreciation among members.
5 - Build the status of each person.
6 - Focus on success, not failure.

Concerns, or things I'd want to know more about:
1 - A leader without a group is just some joker taking a walk.
(How does this square with the idea of building others up? And with the idea that being a good leader in one group doesn't mean you'll be a good leader with another group? Might leaders be flexible and fulfill other roles, gaining expertise in new areas, between leadership roles? Even leaders have leaders. Rather than a joker taking a walk, possibly this is potential looking for an opportunity with the right "fit"?)
2 - Voting creates coalitions and opposition if not handled well.
(Are coalitions and opposition necessarily bad or counter-productive? Might they challenge a group to consider all facets and come up with the best idea? Might they provide friendly internal competition which drives the development of alternatives and a viable Plan B?)
3 - Consensus
(Might this, in some cases, be the equivalent of signing a blank check?)

One organization I'm familiar with noted that leaders are those who maintain the ability to stay in the conversation. I also read somewhere that "Cooler heads will prevail."

I think concern number one means if you are committe chair and have no members...first you have to build your committe...have a worth while mission and
A group who believe in that mission.or else you aren't a leader you a solo person...a leader wanna be.