I don't think having to physically dress one's 7yo is normal, FWIW.
Having to remind them a few times, yes.
I have known several kids who were blatantly, obviously ADHD. DD had one in her K class who took about 40% of the teacher's time every day (he desperately needed an aide, but the school was a charter and everyone was in denial). I have known several where I thought--okay, yeah. I have known a LOT where the parents were going--could it be? And the teachers were saying--we feel there MAY be an issue...and everyone was going around in circles. None of these people have put their kids on meds because I run in very anti-med circles, but they've all at least considered it. Category 3 is very concerning to me, and it has included not only my child but the children of about 30-40% of my circle of friends, which seems WAY off. Just--how can that be?
Exactly, Ultramarina-- and most of the group that I've run into there
has been offered meds. Okay, and when I say "offered" what I really mean is something more assertive. More like the "offer" that one sees in
The Godfather. If you see what I mean.
It does seem true that most parents now (and I include myself among them) have no really clear idea just WHAT reasonably normal expectations are for kids at various ages. We rely on what seems situationally
intended in terms of relative demands, and think that this automatically means that children SHOULD be able to meet them-- rather than the other way around.
We've lived in this stew of constant stimulation and distraction for so long that we probably don't appreciate how toxic that is for the development of executive skills in children. There IS evidence for it-- and anecdotally, most old-school elementary teachers have a one-sentence bit of advice for parents suspecting AD(H)D in young kids-- "No computer, no television, regular bedtime, add exercise; try it for a month." Video or other environmental inputs do have the ability to change cognition in developing brains.
My mother taught for 40 years and claims that about 85% of the kids she EVER saw with (actual) EF problems was more or less cured by one of the following:
a) better sleep/wake hygiene
b) complete, cold-turkey elimination of screen time
c) more regular, assertive, and consistent discipline at home.
She also claimed that most of the kids that landed in her classroom (which was the preferred one for ADHD students in particular) did NOT have anything "wrong" with them other than their own idiosyncratic development. It broke her heart that some of those kids already thought of themselves as "bad" by second grade. The vast majority found my mom's classroom (which was quiet, but highly structured) a supportive and nurturing environment. Their parents thought she was a miracle worker.
Having seen WHAT she did for those kids over a period of many, many years? She had "the touch" for little kids, true-- but she also didn't try to rigidly control them and never, ever expected MORE than a child was capable of delivering. She simply accepted that it wasn't the same thing for all 6-8yo children. She also shook her head at colleagues that didn't understand the value of games/large motor activities in the classroom, or who used shaming/berating or similar methods to try to "modify" kids who were, well-- children.
Her basic hypothesis was that children are now subjected to more chaotic home lives than EVER before-- that we don't have a daily "routine" anymore because of modern life. I see her point. Most of us have a schedule that varies by WEEK-- which is fine for adults, mostly, but maybe that isn't very healthy for many children. Maybe they need to more slowly expand the temporal variation in their lives to have it make sense. Otherwise, perhaps it requires too much mental energy and keeps them anxious/highly attuned to surroundings and less able to keep reserves for EF tasks.
It is true that the right "set point" there seems to be HUGE for some kids. It's almost like a unique OE.
I also think that some parents who medicate ought to be aware of the risks for not only psychosis (which is a known risk for 2-5% of stimulant users-- period), but also for other affective disorders.
Come to that, early bipolar CAN look like ADHD. It's a rare doctor that can accurately diagnose it in children, though-- and it's highly controversial AS a diagnosis in children.
Stimulants (regardless of mechanism) in bipolar people can definitely act as "triggers" for mood swings, or can even initiate the disorder to begin with, or make it more severe. This is a well-known thing. It's why people with atypical depression tend to be medicated VERY cautiously indeed-- because some of them may worsen abruptly and then go into mania when withdrawn from the med.
