Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Things are getting very bad

Hi all, thanks again for all your help. HowlerKarma, I used some of your exact words so thanks!

So, just to update where we are. Basically, we were at a stand-off until a few moments ago. So, I had contacted the assistant superintendent and talked with her (she was nice, and seemed, at the time, helpful), She gave me the impression the barrier to communication between parents and teachers would be lifted and she would talk to principal basically stopping him from enforcing such a mandate. I was relieved and thought all was fine. She said she would get Special Ed Director to step in more assertively.

Two hours after I talked with her I got another email from principal, it stated: "Dear Mr. and Mrs., Please send all e-mail communication regarding DS's school program to me. I will relay any questions/concerns to the appropriate persons and will respond to you. I have no concerns about what teachers will say in their e-mail responses as I trust their abilities to respond professionally; however, teachers have become uncomfortable with the tone of some of your e-mail communications and it would be best if I facilitated this communication. As this is not an IEP issue, it will not be discussed at the upcoming IEP meeting. I would like to adhere to the agenda I previously sent as I think that this would bring about a productive result and serve DS's best interest." It was like a slap in the face (as I am sure he intended it to be). It was cc'd to the assist. superintendent leading me to believe he did this with her blessing and that she supported this for some reason despite our earlier conversation.

{Just as an aside, there is nothing wrong with any of my emails. Absolutely nothing - no threats, no bullying, no name calling, etc. In my opinion they do not like me documenting and they do not like taking the risk that the teacher may inadvertently indicate an iep violation. And even if they aren't crazy about "my tone," how is that a legitimate reason to totally alienate parents who integral members of the iep team? I don't like their tone often! I don't like when then tell me I am "enabling my son's disability" that I am "micromanaging him," that I am "short-changing him," that I am "not thankful enough," that I am "too pushy." I don't like that I have to keep educating and explaining to them over and over and over again DS's disability - how it is neuromuscular and what that means. And how he is not at the level of peers, even if you keep insisting he is, and we know this for a fact because he just had OT evals (some by the school) that put him two years delayed in writing. But I do and I do it nicely and politely.}

Anyway, I called the assist. superintendent to ask about this email and she was unavailable. I gave her 45 minutes to get back to me and then I called my lawyer colleague and explained the situation. He said, of course, he'd be happy to represent me and we discuss. He isn't available for the iep meeting this Tuesday so we discuss dates he is available to that it can be rescheduled so that he can attend.

Then, the assist superintendent calls me back and tells me she hasn't checked her email so she had no idea that principal had sent around an email confirming that the communication ban between parent and teacher was still in place. She says she'll talk to principal and fix it. I give her some time but when I do not hear anything, I email the entire team and assist. superintendent and advise that my DH and I feel that we have no choice at this point but to have legal representation going forward and, so, we need to reschedule current IEP meeting date to accommodate attorney's schedules. Ten minutes later I start getting some phones calls.

It appears they are not crazy about involving attorneys. I am not sure if it is just a money thing with them or if they do not want it to escalate further or what. But giving them official notice that we are bringing an attorney seemed to finally motivate some people to do something! Special Ed Director called within 10 minutes and we discussed the VT agreement (and I was happy with the discussion), we discussed the communication ban and she also said she would serve as LEA at the iep mtg instead of principal b/c she thinks maybe principal needs to step back and take a break. Not sure what that means but I did say that, as much as I do not want to cut people out, it does seem like it has gotten very personal between him and me and he seems so blinded by anger/annoyance with me that it is affecting his ability to do his job in a reasonable manner. I didn't agree to anything but told her I would talk it over with DH. I talked it over with DH and he and I agreed that before we call off the lawyer and agree to proceed on Tuesday without one, we need a communication to go out asap to everyone involved that clearly states that the communication ban that Mr. Principal put in place has been lifted and that teacher and parents are free to communicate. DH called Spec.Ed. Dir yesterday and left a message to that effect on her cell phone and then we didn't hear form her at all. We had to call her back today again and leave another message.

So, Special Ed Director finally calls back. She said she would send around the communication first thing on Monday saying that us parents and DS's teachers are to be able to communicate freely about any day to day stuff, any homework issues, behavior issues, medical issues, progress, class work, etc. She did say though that what Principal really wants (and she agrees) is that we not negotiate and discuss changes to IEP via email - that those concerns be only addressed to Mr. Principal and herself and then we'll schedule a meeting to resolve those issues. DH are okay with that. So all we need now is to see that email and then we will proceed on Tuesday without a lawyer. In the meantime, I need to research a good lawyer for a reasonable amount who has experience in our district. I like the guy who I have been dealing with recently but he has no experience in this particular district and he is not convenient to this area... also he doesn't take credit cards and I want to be able to charge representation so that money doesn't stop me from getting legal assistance. I will still be working on that even though I think all will be okay. Still, I need to have a really good attorney consulted with, interviewed and ready on speed dial... just in case. Lesson learned.