on the other hand, what message am I sending to my child by telling him your intelligence may insult others, so tone it down? When a beautiful, slender, young mom stands next to me (older and frumpy) at a PTA meeting, would it rub me the wrong way? Would I feel insulted? Should she tone down her beauty so she doesn't make me feel bad? LOL
Said as one of the older, frumpy moms at those meetings... yes!
Does that potential top model mom come to PTA meetings wearing runway fashions? With her hair and face camera-ready? And if she did, what would your reaction be compared to the same person wearing a trendy pair of jeans and "street" make-up?
Does having that PTA meeting at the most expensive private school in Berverly Hills vs. a public school in a low income area change the answer?
I once read an article by a mother who went the length of volunteering at her kids school wearing the local mom uniform (jeans) and changed in her car before moving on to meetings in her high powered executive job (and the confusion when she didn't have time to change one day -- initially nobody at school recognized her). I thought it was a bit extreme, but then jeans and t-shirts are the uniforms of my profession (and I am definitely not the most fashionable dresser at school).
Analyzing those different environment, being *able* to adapt to them, being aware of the costs and benefits of not doing so, and prepared to deal with the consequences is an important lesson to learn.
And, quite honestly, one I haven't quite mastered. But I have real life experience of the drawbacks of not being *able* to play the game. Or even understand there is a game to play.
