Here is my view on it (assumptions and all):
Ametrine has experienced parents judging her as a hothouser and it annoyed her. Some of us truly do have children that teach themselves amazing things with little to no teaching on our part. It can be annoying to be have your reality rejected by others. So she expressed this in her signature, feeling safe on a forum such as this where others share her sentiment (I certainly do).
Her signature was vague enough to be misread from her original intent. Someone else on this forum realized that it might be considered offensive and in an act of kindness--since she herself would want someone to tell her if she accidentally offended--she chose to write Ametrine in private. I highly doubt the person writing meant to censor Ametrine, only to alert her to something she may not have realized. I would appreciate someone doing the same for me and wouldn't find it critical, but some might. We all vary in how defensive we are, and we all have different sensitivities. If you had a grandmother that was always correcting your speech, a PM like this might anger you.
Ametrine was curious how her signature came across to others. I'm often curious about the same thing, and it's very difficult to see outside of your own perspective. Clearly, Ametrine is open-minded and considerate of others around her or she wouldn't have asked. This alone tells me that her signature was not meant to offend.
All of us in this thread found it an interesting question and chose to think about it, post about it, and enter into debates about wonderful things like freedom of speech and politeness and hothousing. Everyone was writing from their own perspective, experiences and even insecurities and they were all so very different.
Ultimately, it's a natural human desire to "be the best" and especially, to want the best for your children. So those with non-gifted children don't want to be reminded that their children are "less" in some way. Other parents don't want to be reminded that their hothoused (gifted or not) children are somehow "less" than those children that teach themselves. Sometimes confronting an uncomfortable truth, we will minimize the gifted kids (like the bumper sticker mentioned above) or we will minimize the non-hothoused kids (those parents are lying).
Personally, I have always found the "My child is an honor student" stickers annoying, and not because of insecurities, as I was an honor student, but solely because I can imagine all the parents sitting in cars behind that one who have non-honors students who are feeling despair, jealousy, anger, insecurities and in general, a feeling that their child is less. I had friends like that with parents like that, and I remember well how they compared us.
Now, for all those with feathers ruffled because you have a sticker just like this. I'm sure most parents place this sticker to show their children how proud they are of them. For some parents, that sticker is something they have been wanting for a long time. I get it.
I guess my point is this--so much of reality is filtered through our unique perspectives, and how lovely to have a thread like this to open our eyes to how different the world looks to others.
I don't think we should censor what people say, anymore than I think that we should censor someone's right to complain about what someone says. Aren't both valuable?
I've highlighted the most pertinent part of your post, but have included the entire quote because you have done a very good job of explaining my thought process in choosing to change my signature line. It was exactly for the reason that someone may misinterpret the meaning of it that I chose to delete it. It
was too vague.
As for bowing to "bullies", I feel one is only "bowing"
if they feel bullied. I never did.
Honestly, when I put up the line, I figured it would have offended parents in a typical online parenting forum. Not anyone here...but that was because I interpreted it to mean, "
MY child is a tap dancer and not an elephant that I forced shoes upon to
make them one.
I have a solution to those who feel it was a perfectly fine line. You have my permission to use it. I like it and know what it is conveying. If someone comes to this site and is offended and leaves, so be it. I can't be held responsible for the perceptions of every visitor, and I know nobody here expects that.
Because I have an IRL history of saying things that I thought were understood, yet were "taken wrong" and offended, I decided the PM was a legitimate concern. I've also, IRL, asked for clarification from my husband/mother on comments made to me by others. I don't know if this is a touch of Asperger's, or what. My dad has many of the signs of being Aspie, so maybe I've inherited his social awkwardness.
Maybe that makes me a "softie" who isn't secure my own voice. But when you've been told many times by those you love and who love you that you have a tendency to accidentally offend when it's not your intent, you can understand why I did what I did in asking for opinions and ultimately realized that it was right
for me to delete the line.
