I'm not sure if this is the right place for this but it seems like the only one I have found. So, let me introduce myself and I apologize in advance for the rant.

I grew up a twice-exceptional child (borderline genius level with dyslexia). Unfortunately my education was horribly mismanaged by a woefully inadequate school system and parents that had their own problems. To make matters worse, my parents divorced when I was four and my father along with most adults in my life chose to respond to my needs with abuse and ridicule rather than guidance or understanding.

So, I was put into a special-ed class designed for the slow kids for a while and treated as a behavior problem through my entire time in school. To add to this, I was horribly abused by a father who was disappointed by a son who enjoyed chemistry rather than football. I had my very own class bully raising me - a gift indeed.

Needless to say, making friends was difficult and I grew up an outcast never knowing why. After all, I am not a nerdy type and am not overtly different from others. In fact, most of my life has been spent wondering why so many dislike me when I can see no reason why they would and trying my best to fit in. Although I have been somewhat socially successful at times, it just always seems that there is something about me that puts people off. I have even wondered if perhaps I had done something horrible in a past life and I am being punished by God by way of a particularly cruel form of torment.

I am now 42 years old, still single with a few good friends (I know that is more than most) and no wife or children. Although I have been successful in getting girls, finding one of high caliber is hard because such women typically require a level of social standing that I have never been able to achieve.

Much of this is because as I pointed out, life has been particularly challenging and I have been poor most of my life and have always had difficulty making friends.

So I wonder, why do they call what I have a gift? Had I been born more average, my life would be infinitely better than it is now. I would probably have a better career, possibly not have been abused by my father, have more friends, and probably a wife and family. And I have not even touched upon the fact that I have few people in my life that I am able to carry on a conversation that is remotely interesting. To attempt to converse with most people is to realize that I must avoid anything stimulating for fear of exposing the obvious discrepancy in our levels of intelligence and therefore alienating them. Oh, and of course because of my difficulty in school, I am a "know it all" with no credibility and all of my opinions should be ignored and ridiculed. I can't help but feel that if I had a Dr. in front of my name, people would regard what I think differently.

So, if this is a "gift" it is a really crappy one and I wish I knew where I could take it for a refund. But since that isn't an option, I guess I'll have to just find ways of coping and find people more like myself.

I'm hoping this will be a good place to start.