Hi Syler,
After reading your latest post, I went back to re-read your first post and saw that indeed, the thread has taken a different direction then your original post set up. So...apologies if you feel you've gotten unwanted feedback/advice. I think that one of the hazards of posting in a group like this is that it is a group that is very focused on problem solving, so for many of us, our immediate response is to read a post and offer suggestions--perhaps missing that that is not what was asked for.
Another hazard is more instrinsic to this format of communication: it is normal for conversations to veer a bit off course or change direction, but in this format there isn't the opportunity for immediate correction that can happen in oral conversation (the "that's not what I meant--I was tryng to say/ask/etc...." that we use when we feel we've been misunderstood). In forums like this, we all get to post our complete thought uninterrupted, so as one post follows another, the original focus can change. At some point in the thread, we shifted to an assumption that you were looking for thoughts about how to change things. I suspect too that the two threads you were involved with (this one and 'where are all the adults?') became somewhat joined.
One thing I have seen people do in some past posts is to be really explicit about what they are hoping for in return (e.g. "I'm not looking for any advice here, but I'm wondering if anyone else has ever had the experience of....." or "Just venting for a moment").
Regardless, I'm sorry that you felt attacked. In my experiences here communication is honest but well intended. Our collective experiences are diverse, as are our perspectives. Speaking for myself, sometimes I find the experiences and perspectives shared here to be relevant to my personal situation, and sometimes not (although I still find them interesting
).
FWIW, I don't think that suggestions for things to try/do necessarily reflect a belief that you are in the wrong or the problem. As someone said earlier, we don't get to change other people, so sometimes it is about figuring out how to make less than ideal situations work for us so that we (or our kids, as the case may be) can experience life as positively as possible.
