I should add that I've been experimenting with being upfront about what DS7 can do when:
a) I'm asked directly about why we're homeschooling, since the tapdance around it can lead to misunderstandings (like he's a major troublemaker or he's got learning difficulties),
b) the person doesn't have a child his age, so there's no competition,
c) the situation is such that I can talk about it in a matter-of-fact way that doesn't sound like bragging, but sounds like "here's what we're up against, and it isn't always easy, but this works for us,"
d) I have an already friendly relationship with the person.
e) I can change the subject to the other person's life/kids pretty quickly rather than droning on and on about GTness.
If all those qualifications are met, I stick a toe in the water. I say something like, "Though our school system is a good one, it didn't work for DS7. He is pretty bright, and it just wasn't really possible for the schools to deal with his needs appropriately."
[Usually the question comes back "Whaddya mean 'pretty bright?' What needs?"]
Then I mention what he's working on very matter-of-factly with few/no details--like offering the title of the book he's reading or sying "in math, he's working on adding and subtracting fractions," period--and I get past it as fast as possible. Then I mention the possibility of putting him in a private school down the line so the person knows I'm not anti-school, and then I move on to another topic in a friendly fashion.
I haven't gotten the sense that anyone thinks I'm bragging. I'm not sure people are always 100% comfortable with a smart kid being so close to them (
), but we're friendly, outgoing people (for introverts...), so I don't think anyone is coming away with too bad a view of us. I do try to always keep the other person's comfort level well in my sights as I proceed. Certainly I've seen no overt signs of a negative reaction. If I did, I'd shift gears fast!
One woman was visibly impressed with/threatened by what DS was working on, and I tried to nip that in the bud fast! "It's just how he is," I said. "It's just him. He's also the kid who can't keep his shoes tied. They're all different, and this is just his thing." That seemed to help. I also fussed over her adorable, athletic toddler (she was kicking a ball with one foot at 18 mos!), and I think that helped, too.
Personally, I feel better about at least trying to be honest about GTness in a non-threatening way. It is a big part of our lives because of the HSing, and not even mentioning it feels like lying. I am an upfront person, and I just really prefer to be upfront if I can. Homeschooling gives us a measure of freedom there, really. If people can't deal with it, it's not really a big problem for us, since we have a lot of control over who we will or will not spend our time with.
I wouldn't be so honest if we were still in the schools though. (I wasn't when we were in the schools!) Part of me thinks that in that situation, you're dealing with parents of kids the same age as yours, parents who you and your child will see for a number of years, who may be working with your child in the classroom even, but who aren't necessarily going to get it or feel kindly toward your GT child even if they do get it.
No, I think I'd keep my mouth clamped firmly shut if DS7 were still in public school...
