I think that the best book I have read on parenting is Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky Baily, not currency involved. But lots of quite explicit instructions on what to work on from each chapter (a lot of it on yourself not the child). I found it extremely useful with my children - when I could keep myself together enough to make it work. But the careful thoughtful use of language (and thinking through the problems before speaking) are in truth more than I have been able to maintain when dealing with years of sleep deprivation, eldest with AS, middle child HG+/ADHD and a very intense toddler. I am too caught up in putting out fires to manage what I know is an effective management/preventative approach. Also, I found when I was doing it well and it was working well it broke my heart to see the difference between how I was working with the kids and everyone else (DH particularly) was speaking to them AND it was clearly making the kids relationship with their dad more unstable as things being better with me made them more aware of the differences with their dad.
Like HowlerKarma I am the one that is ontop of things usually and has less issues as a result, DH swings more between super fun and completely frustrated. Me using this approach lead to things when I was in charge being calmer, me seeming like less of the bad cop and DH seeming less fun and more cranky...
