My dd 7 is almost completely unbribable, has no particular interest in 'things' and so loss of them or money just doesn't provide any motivation for her. However it is very important to her that she have reading time at night, that she can watch her favourite TV show, that she can have friends over. So we have a house hold contract that we all came up with together. It specifies what chores we all do, how we will discipline her and a range of consequences we might choose. It gives her a right of reply and explains that if we reject it, we will explain why. We have a clause that states that there will be times when providing an explanation on the spot will not be appropriate (safety issues, where someone might be made to feel embarrassed by an explaination in front of others, on occasions when time matters and something just has to be done). We have a code phrase to indicate it is one of those moments and if dd does not cooperate with the request then there will be consequences. But we always follow through with an explaination later.
This probably sounds convoluted but it has worked really well. Dd has never accepted dicipline without explaination so this has just put some structure around it and her involvement in making up the rules has given us a fall back justification when she has refused to do things. Because the consequences are so specifically targeted at the few things that really matter to her, she genuinely hates to loose those priviliages.
Oh, and the contract has stopped dh suddenly announcing punishments along the lines of 'if you don't clean up your room you will never, ever be able to have a friend over again' ... This more than anything has lead to more peace in the house!!
