we have been trying to get both girls to just do what we ask of them, when we ask them. To us this sounds very simple, we say go wash your hands and come eat and they should be able to comply. Very seldom is it that easy and both DH and I get very frustrated at having to repeat ourselves over and over. That is where we had hoped maybe the L&L would come in handy...we ask them to wash there hands and come eat and if they do it great, but if not then we eat without them or later when they ask something of us we give one of the L&L sympathetic responses and let them know since they didn't do what we asked then we aren't going to do what they asked of us. Like I said previously, it sounds easy enough, but I'm just not sure it will work for our types of situations. I now understand some of DD7 & DD8's issues are because our girls are gifted, but to me that doesn't give them a free pass in life to not do what they are told, when they are told. I don't see them as any different from any other child in that respect. Maybe I'm wrong...I don't know. Are we asking too much?
I think gifted children are fully capable of learning basic courtesy, no mater how recalcitrant or wilful they are. Giftedness is no excuse. One comes to dinner with the family (unless one is sick, etc.) because to do otherwise is an insult to the cook and possibly also an inconvenience to the parent who will later be asked to reheat something. We see it a social obligation to eat with others and share the day; in our family, it is what's done. Other families have other norms, but if you find your kids' behavior outside your family's norm, then you are very reasonable to correct it.
In our family's opinion, it is important for kids to learn the norms of our wider society, and be corrected when they aren't following those norms. (Acid test: when they go out on a job interview, will they be able to present themselves as polite and engaging? Refusing to eat when the others do would be a nonstarter in that context.)
Things we correct, in order of urgency:
1. Unsafe
2. Unkind or immoral
3. Inconsiderate or substantially inconvenient for others
DeeDee
