Exactly-- I don't regret thinking about this stuff early. I needed to, and honestly, it only helps that we were somewhat open to profound giftedness (because it exists in our families) at a young age. I just fought being "non-normative" for way too long. I guess that I thought that I could give my daughter a "normal" childhood and she'd be smart (like both parents), but all the other stuff that I
wasn't, too. Hasn't worked that way. She's
more of the things that we struggled with as kids. Predictably, in hindsight.
Ooooo-- self-as-child. Those are the REALLY big ones.
Mom, Dad? That grade-skip thing? Yeah-- that would be a REALLY good idea. And don't assume that behavioral problems = "bad" kid. Nice label, by the way, but I wasn't really a 'bad' kid, I had an incredibly nice heart to go with that huge mouth. Guilt, avoidant-perfectionism, and helplessness. Great recipe, that-- assuming that you are looking to develop both self-loathing and extreme underachievement, I mean. Self-destructive behaviors are optional and varied, by the way. Kids who hate themselves and would do anything for approval often gravitate to druggies and people who are basically predatory, by the way. Surprise! (That still doesn't make your child "bad" by the way-- just lonely and desperate for a peer group that won't offer up repeated rejection and mockery.)
Find appropriate challenges for your daughter, live outside of your OWN comfort zone a lot-- and TAKE RISKS. Nobody expects you to be perfect. Really. Don't expect it of yourself or your child.
Oh, and guard more carefully to make sure that your child doesn't become "that freak" by virtue of leaked S-B scores, okay? That really sucked. In fact, you might consider skipping that entirely, since you clearly didn't use the information to make placement decisions. :sigh:
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Advice to myself as a new parent:
1. If your own parents made this many major errors in your own development,
why are you listening to them tell you what to do with your OWN child?? Duh.
2. Parent the child you actually HAVE. Not the one you "think" you have, the one you 'wish' you had, or the one OTHER people think you should have.
3. You can't "parent" a child into normativity. Either they are somewhat normative or they aren't, and this isn't a parenting thing. It's a child-centered thing. (Assuming that you don't make truly bizarre parenting decisions that reflect your OWN needs more than your child's-- because it
is possible to parent for freakishness.
Note to self-- do not be temped to name your child after astronomical phenomena or to rigidly insist that others do EVERYTHING that your toddler demands so as not to 'damage' his/her self-determination... just saying. A child's epic tantrum in the grocery store isn't necessarily a sign of anything but a profound need for a nap. )
One thing that I've noticed in parenting my PG dd is that she is far MORE 'normal' and ready to fit in with different peer groups as we've let go of our pressure on her to fit in. Now that we've given her permission to be who she REALLY is, she's just more comfortable in her own skin. She has a lot more confidence as a result. Wish I'd known that a lot earlier. It wasn't
so complicated. I just made it that way by trying to force a family of square pegs into one round hole after another. As a Taoist, I really should have known better.
