I guess, in the end, my core question is "Do I want to discuss my doubts and worries and problems with my child with a teacher who has signaled to me in many ways that she does not like DD?" (She doesn't seem to like anyone much, though!)
if that's your core question, then I would say no - why make it worse for DD, you might end up validating teacher's bad attitude or she might bring the new knowledge into classroom dealings with DD.
But I wonder what you think the teacher will provide that will help you at home - I think it would be worthwhile to hear what the teacher says, and maybe subtly try to inquire as to any of the things you are worried about - but its highly unlikely the teacher will provide useful means to correct the problems you are having with DD.
This is probably apples to oranges but last year when DS was getting homework in K and we had not yet gotten an IEP or OT it was EXCRUCIATING! Once we realized this was really something and not just defiance (although there was some of that) I completely changed my attitude about homework. Its still hard and he has more now in 1st (its accelerated so its 2nd grade) as he can turn into a snail and doesn't want to do it and procrastinates. But I have let it go - I no longer stand over him, or even sit with him to do it. He is getting the OT so I have outsourced the working with him to fix the situation - I just do what the OT asks of us when she does. So I am just checking now, he brings me his homework and I tell him to fix this or that, and he does. So 90% of the time its not an issue. the 10% is not fun however!
You obviously haven't had the resolution we have had in that he is getting assistance for something that is a problem and he is getting tools to handle the problem. So I am sure that is frustrating but I would take the grades as a sign that she can manage at this point - I would continue to seek therapy or those types of options in order to find the tools she needs to not be driving everyone insane - but I would really encourage you to let homework go - get out of the firing line - let her take responsibility to do it and live with the consequences.
I don't know if this would work, but you are obviously stressed by what she is doing at home - so regardless of what is going on at school - you need a change at home.
I also wonder how hard it is for her to be so good at school - such that she dumps on you at home - but the summer vacation thing seems to belie that.
DeHe
