MGL - Your son is obviously very gifted. It's VERY difficult to tease out the quirks of someone who is that able to compensate for their weaknesses. My husband was very resistent to an ADHD diagnosis for our children, and has ongoing moments of resistance to medication - while also having the jaw dropped OMG WOW response to the improvements on medication for one of our kids... One of those improvements was near complete resolution of the oppositional behaviour btw. I find it interesting that your husband is ok with an ODD diagnosis and prozac but not with ADHD and stimulant medication?
But to answer the question in your second post - my eldest has a fistful of acronyms already and is currently being assessed for Aspergers. We tried getting her assessed 9 months ago and we got an answer of "Maybe" - because she was doing great at school. A school that the assessors did note was spectacularly perfect for her. She's moved school, she's falling apart at the seams and her new teacher wants her diagnosed yesterday and so we are on the assessment bandwagon again... So for us it was a resounding YES our DD did do better at school, at the right school... And I would put that down to a) she'd been there since before her particular social deficits were more obvious b) small classes, serene & structured environment c) incredibly clear communication about everything that is expected, will happen, is happening, has happened, etc. Signs on the board about what's happening today, signs on the door about where we are right now, colour coding, significant organisation scaffolding from school for ALL children. Yes they tried to get kids to organise themselves but they ALWAYS made sure that the kids actually were so that no-one slipped through the cracks. Well it didn't seem like always when we were there, but compared to new school, their scaffolding was WOW.
Also, my kids are much more likely to resist a direct instruction TO THEM but to compliantly go with the flow of a well behaved group of kids. So even the one with significant oppositional behaviour at home never showed that side at school. Group instructions just don't seem to affront her sense of identity the same way. Or so I thought, in retrospect I think her ADD was so bad that she couldn't hold onto instructions long enough to transition so would refuse to try, where as at school she could go with the flow and figure out what to do based on what everyone else was doing.
