Just back after taking a short vacation. It helped to get away and get some clarity on the situation. Of course I kept getting phone calls from people who were uncovering new information for me:) The OG tutor from the private actually checked out the special ed teacher from the public and called to give me a glowing report. The friend who knows the new mystery teacher called to give me more details about her classroom management techniques and confirmed that she does not use a color chart after speaking to her directly about it. Another friend called after attending a birthday party with several parents from the public and gave me a detailed report card about each of the teachers there. This confirmed the very negative report about the one teacher we met when visiting the school last week.
Yesterday DH called the principal at the public and explained that after all of our research we are feeling very comfortable with the idea of the new teacher. He explained what we had been told about her teaching style and classroom management techniques and how she seemed like the best option for having DD succeed. The principal made clear to him that SHE would be making the decision soon and we would be informed what SHE decides.
So after digesting this we have decided that we will go ahead and enroll DD in the public and step back to allow the principal to do what she thinks is best. We will also plan to hold her and the school district accountable for providing a free and appropriate education. If the first thing they do is place her in a classroom where she will be exposed to one of her biggest anxiety triggers while another appropriate classroom without this trigger is available (and was requested) then we will seek reimbursement for any expenses we face in providing a learning environment without the anxiety triggers. In other words if we end up having to enroll her in the private because of the anxiety issues we will pursue all the legal channels described upthread. We have also decided that we will not sign off on the IEP if it does not specifically mention the color chart issue.
Last night DD's preschool teacher called, she has become a close friend and loves DD like her own child. She is also close friends with the special ed teacher at the public and had a long talk with her about DD. She has offered to come with us to school on our "pre-visit" to help make DD comfortable as she meets her new teachers, sees her classroom, etc. Hopefully all will go well. My fear is that DD will just refuse to go back if she sees a color chart on her first visit before school starts. I guess I will have to leave up to the school to figure out how to undue that damage if it happens. Hard to accept but I think that is what the situation boils down to.
Thanks so much for all the help and insightful comments as I have sorted through all of this. Holding my breath, crossing my fingers, standing on one foot and doing everything else I can think of to hope this situation works out well!
