Pemberly,
This might be a good way to bridge the topic with your teacher. I think it's ok to bend the truth and pretend that Knute is a good friend with a daughter who really reminds you of your daughter, and tell knute's story as a way to communicate:
1) you aren't the only person in the world like this
2) this bad outcome can really happen
3) kids 'just like' your dd really do exist
During third grade DD had a teacher who used one of these public shaming systems. DD never got in trouble but she was terrified of getting a "pink dot." It exacerbated all of her perfectionist tendencies and created anxiety where we hadn't seen it before (or since). She was so afraid to make a mistake that her teacher the following year spent half the year getting her to take risks again. I would avoid that situation like the plague.
I almost wouldn't call that kind of reframe lying - I would call it 'translating' into a frame of reference that the teacher is likely to be able to absorb without a lot of pain. I really do believe that many families with unusually gifted kids face issues that are so unusual that it is nescessary and proper do this level of lying. I wish it wasn't that way - I love facts and being grounded. But I also like sticking to the main point and communicating effectively.
Reminds me of seeing a book on my local Library's shelf called:
"When you believe it, you'll see it."
That is how the human mind operates most of the time.
((shrugs and more shrugs))
Grinity
