One family we spend time with more than most have a daughter the same age as our son who is two year back as she needed to repeat a grade. The kids have a blast together & we get along well with the parents just fine. There was definitely the initial awkwardness when our guy skipped ahead... and the parents kept asking us what we did to help him along. (These were not any of the offensive ones who suggested hot-HOUSING.) They were honestly trying to see if there was anything they could do to help their child.

Now that we are past the initial "discovery," though, we still talk about various achievements, accomplishments, etc... rarely in contrast -- just in relation to each child individually.

Originally Posted by passthepotatoes
It has been my observation that even just within the PG community folks are in totally different boats because kids needs vary so much depending on drive, personality, disabilities, family resources, etc. I don't believe friends all have to be in the same boat to support each other or find support.
I think I'm assuming a broader definition of "boat." Of course one can define it so narrowly such that every child has his own boat... but I wasn't.

By virtue of having nearly all of my peers in that "boat" of the "self-contained GT program," all the parents enjoyed a very comfortable peer group. Clearly, every child was at a different level within the GT program, but there was rarely an opportunity for uncomfortable/awkward GT vs non-GT contrasts to surface. We also had a tremendously diverse group of kids who came from every conceivable background.

And, no, parents do not have to necessarily be in the GT-Community in order to find friendship and support... although sharing support is arguably easier within the "community."

Originally Posted by passthepotatoes
I question that there really are "average" kids. Lots of kids have some degree of asynchrony and most parents of typically developing kids worry about their kids too.
Well... there are certainly kids who are below average... and above average... so why would it not follow that some are smack-dab-in-the-middle average? I was not using the label as a pejorative. It was simply another track of students at the school.

Originally Posted by passthepotatoes
Originally Posted by Dandy
So maybe I'm not getting this last part of your suggestion. In my mind, milestones, achievement & development are a big part of what makes up any kid.
So, if you had a child who was significantly developmentally delayed would you then define them as having less parts? Would you find less about them to love, care or be interested in? Is there no way in your mind to love a person separate from what they achieve?
I don't often pull the "I got a niece who is severely DD" card, but your from-far-left-field question kinda invites it. I also have an employee in his 30's who is has DS, and functions at a 10yo level, if that. He's been on staff for several years now. A close friend of my wife has a child who suffered severe brain damage as an infant and will never walk, talk, see or anything else for that matter. Each of these kids has his own developmental achievements and milestones that are celebrated by their family and friends.

So, no -- I wouldn't stoop to the crass suggestion that a SDD child has less to love, care about or be interested in... and I suspect that none of the thousands upon thousands of posts within this GT-Community even come close to such.

Originally Posted by passthepotatoes
Part of what I'm questioning is if this is really a unique problem to the gifted world.
I've never seen anything here that approaches that sentiment. I certainly wouldn't consider this aspect of our social interaction to be unique. Diplomacy, discretion, empathy & good ol' common sense are required in most any social situation, right?

But the examples you provide (raise vs. lay-off; great health vs. diabetes) aren't really analogous to our situation given that no GT-parent would consider "non-GT" to be a detriment of any sort. Whereas lay-offs and diabetes are reasonably considered detrimental in comparison to their counterparts.

While I would easily say, "Gee, it really sucks that you got laid-off, Bob!" I would never, EVER say, "Gee, it really sucks that your kid can't solve trig problems in his head."

Thanks for the interesting discussion.

Being offended is a natural consequence of leaving the house. - Fran Lebowitz