Hi Mana,

Sounds as though your SO had a pretty miserable time being gifted; it's really not surprising he doesn't want his daughter going through that. He probably thinks that by not feeding her intellectually you can keep her average so that she won't suffer as he did... which is him trying to keep her safe, and good for him for trying, but there are better ways.

Maybe you might read with him "What a child doesn't learn"?
http://www.portage.k12.in.us/cms/li...685/pdfs/April/Whatachilddoesntlearn.pdf
as this is a short but powerful expression of why it's important to make sure she gets the same opportunities to work hard and not always succeed that her peers get. Maybe a lack of such opportunities was his major problem? That's very common. Carol Dweck is good on this stuff, too.

For my DS, we solved the preschool problem by having DS in a completely play-based preschool, where he was very happy. They didn't do any academics there, so it didn't matter that he was way ahead. (They did, of course, have books, and were happy for him to read them.) Until he went to school (and largely, since then too) we took a "follow his lead" policy; as you say, not preventing him from being interested in academic things, but not pushing them either. Now he's in a school that does challenge him, even though he isn't accelerated; we're very lucky.

I hope it'll work out that having a slightly older family member who seems (now, at least) even further ahead will be a huge boon. Do they live close enough that his niece's family will be looking at the same schools, etc.? Even if not, being able to compare notes may be very useful, if you can stop it being a competition or an anticompetition (I mean, if you can manage not to be competing either to have the most advanced or the least advanced child!)

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