In between striking back violently and tolerating bullying, there are a whole bunch of options.

Most bullying takes place where adults aren't around. I'll never forget the parent-teacher conference where the parent asked what we were going to do about the bullying. We hadn't heard about the bullying, so we called the kid in and asked where it was happening. "At the bus stop." As I recall, someone talked to the bus driver, but even the bus driver can only do so much before the bus arrives or after the bus leaves.

http://www.bullyingprevention.org/repository//Best%20Practices%20PDFs/olweus%20bullying%20circle.pdf

When I present "The Bullying Circle" to my classes, most students will admit to have playing at least three roles at some point in their lives. Some tell me, "I've been every person on this chart."

For a systemic approach, from a school's point of view, all the kids who aren't either the bully or the target are the key to stopping bullying. And this is why experts say kids should work on making a few good friends. It's certainly true that the new kids, the gifted kids, and the disabled kids are at a disadvantage here.

This is especially true in middle school and upper elementary where much of the bullying behaviors seem to be sorting out a pecking order, and people bully or support bullying as an attempt to fit in. And since the bullies are often the most popular kids in the class, it can take a teacher by surprise to find out who is doing the bullying.

I think of the time I found a Central American, Non-English Proficient student cowering in a corner of the girls room when the teacher's sink was broken, and a bilingual student talking to her. Turned out one of our soccer players, a good student, had passed her a threatening note. I was flabbergasted, but we talked to the soccer star, and the bullying stopped.

Most targets would not tell a teacher they were being bullied for anything. For that matter, there was a school shooting in 1997 where a couple dozen students knew it was going to happen beforehand, and nobody told an adult. This is why I say it's important to build that trust and keep those lines of communication open between kids and adults.