I don't know what to say, except that I understand and feel what you are going through.� My ds10 (now 5th) went through school bullying k�- 2nd.
He is also 2e-ish (asd &/or add traits) but not diagnosed, and these traits seem to be lessening since he started at a new school in 3rd grade.
But b/c of the three�years of bullying (& not only by the students), and lack of positive interaction experiences at school,�he has behavioral issues that he needs to work through.� And as he gains more & more�experience interacting with other kids and teachers�he is learning that everyone is not out to "get him."

I just don't know what to say about the fact that sooooo many schools think that they can do nothing about bullying. What is needed is an anti-bullying positive reinforcement culture (see below).
I know this sounds bad, but it seems that many of the schools are resistant to the changes required to help prevent bullying.

I feel this could be so, because the steps that are necessary to prevent bullying often goes against the cultures�of�the schools.
The principal would not only have to confront the kids who did the bullying and their parents, but also the�teachers, and the "status quo"

For instance, in your case, �the boys that took your sons lunchbox�do not appear to be experiencing� anything but encouragement to isolate your boy further.� In a positive reinforcement culture of anti-bullying these students would be experiencing negative teacher attention.��
What I mean by negative attention is the following scenario. Positive attention would be�given to your boy for example, the teacher could state to your boy,�

"You really showed restraint right now by�flenching your fists instead of more punching.� I know I would feel the same way if my lunchbox was stolen and when I tried to get it back I'm the one who�got in trouble.�I'm am�proud of you. �I know it takes a lot of strength�to do the right thing when others aren�t."�

This should be done so other students can observe this exchange.� This needs to be done carefully with support, especially in the beginning. He should not be alone at unstructured times, but the� bullies have not been directly punished by the teacher. The teacher has just given praise to the victim.� In general the adults also give praise to any students who did not join in.� Overtime this praise takes off.� The students begin to police themselves.� I'm trying to remember where this program is being�successfully implemented.� I heard about it on 20/20, Good Morning America, or Frontline.� It was�started by the father of a son who was bullied, and it has been transferred to other schools successfully. I have also read articles on this�technique of positive peer reinforcement being used where research is supporting its use.�Of course, there must be adult supervision during unstructured times.

I will try to find the program's details, and the articles I have read on this topic.
But a book that I do recommend is, "Perfect Targets: Asperger Syndrome and Bullying--Practical Solutions for Surviving the Social World",
by, Brenda Smith Myles, Ph.D., is an associate professor, University of Kansas. Brenda Myles is an internationally recognized authority on Asperger Syndrome and Autism

It is possible, though its appears to be a pipe dream for me, that parents of a district could from a group to work together and gather� the names of the successful anti-bullying programs, along with videos, guest speakers, and experts who have done research in this area.
These groups could attend� broad meetings and begin the long road of�anti-bullying advocacy.�� Though I am�passionate about this topic, I in the end just pulled my son out of his school.� His new school deals with some of these issues without even needing to be asked... for the most part.

If I go back to high school teaching I will be getting involved with this topic.� But this would be a topic for the other thread of, reaching your potential or on being self-fulfilled.