Maybe this should go on MDC or something, but most of my guilt stems from me probably being too idealistic and a perfectionist and from DD never sleeping and needing so so so much from us. You all might understand some of this. But maybe I take it way too far.
OK, 7.5 month is a tough time to be a stay at home mom, in the summer in a hot clim, for a mom with perfectionistic view point - no question...but
Now that you've gotten it out, could you write just as passionately for just as long about how blessed you are at this moment in your life. I suspect that you could. Give it a try! Get it down in writing all the ways you are a good mom and have a good life, ok?
I agree with the rest that it's time to step back and send Dad and daughter out together into the world while you unpack the house, or leave them home while you get out. Or start looking for a regular babysitter or a housekeeper or another mom of a similar aged kid that you can trade babysitting duty while the one who's house it is gets to clean/organize.
You probably are being too idealistic and perfectionist, this appears to be your next challenge. It's a lovely challenge to have and very important to take on. If you don't then you'll turn it on DH and DD eventually, and that will break your heart as much as reading about how you turn it on yourself breaks my heart. This is YOUR life and you get to decide which voices play in your head. I'm much more worried about your 'junk food' thoughts than I am about your 'junk food' diet.
Some people don't eat food that they don't believe in - that's beautiful. But is there any restaurant within your budget that serves food that passes your standards? If so, go there - or back a romantic picnic - or something. Otherwise be suspect of those voices in your head that say you are eating 'crap.' My skin crawls when you use that word to describe your diet. What's so idealistic about beating yourself up emotionally?
So yes, my vote is for you to get tough on your 'thought patterns' and question them and to get back to the main things: Growing your relationship with your DH, learning how to get his help in a sustainable way, supporting his relationship with DD, getting the house into enough order that it can start sending some happy messages, really enjoying those local mom-friends.
It's hard that your DD cries and fusses easily - but that is who she is (Apples and trees?) and your job is to help her accept who she is, rather than treat the situation as a sign that something (her?) is terribly wrong. Some babies are just plain grumpy!
Actually you might try talking to her about it. Sort of: "I notice that something is bothering you. You senses are very alert and you notice many things and that feels uncomfortable sometimes. That's how living in a body is sometimes. We have our ups and downs." or even
"I see that something is bothering you and you are fussing, but you are being really strong - you could be crying full out now, but instead you are hanging in and observing life. Good for you. Thanks for sticking with us."
Hope that helps!
Grinity
