Sorry about your mom. My mother developed a serious brain issue immediately after having minor surgery almost nine years ago. I still feel a little guilty because I didn't really listen to her when she tried to tell me she had a bad feeling about having the surgery and I told her she would be fine. She wasn't. She is alive but doesn't know me and is probably less capable of taking care of herself than someone with severe mental retardation when she was once one of the smartest people I ever knew because she read all the time. There were always piles of books at her house. Her house was clean but cluttered, kind of like mine. She could carry on a conversation about almost anything. She loved to watch Jeopardy and could answer more of those questions than I ever could. She did crossword puzzles every day. She told the best jokes. She gave wonderful advice. There have been so many times in the last nine years that I wished I could ask her for advice.
Not only should I spend more time cleaning my house but my dad is in his late 70's and still takes care of my mother at home feeding her, bathing her, changing her diapers, everything. I should do more to help him, but I also need to homeschool my son who is twice exceptional and is going through some very difficult times with scoliosis issues. He has another doctor's appointment this week and if he has had another progression they will probably suggest surgery which of course terrifies me because of what happened to my mother. My mother's surgery was supposed to be easy. Spinal fusion surgery is major surgery with all kinds of risks. My son is worried about it and I don't know what to say to make him feel better. It is hard to concentrate on learning with that hanging over our heads and I feel guilty making him do math when he is worried about that and I feel guilty if he doesn't do math. I feel guilty when my anxiety about all of this gets out of hand and I can't enjoy life and end up crying when my family takes me out for my birthday.
But sometimes I manage to stop and look at those other people who are judgmental and I imagine them trying to walk in my shoes or my dad's shoes. I don't think they could deal with all of this as well as we are.
I don't think those judgmental people can see the beauty and love in my dad caring for his wife that he loved so dearly that he is willing to do without pain medication so he can be alert enough to take care of her. They tell him to put her in a nursing home. They don't understand the beauty and love involved in homeschooling a child who is gifted but has mild disabilities. They think I should put him in our small town school and deal with bullies and one size fits all education because it is good enough for their kids.
