My thought when I read your post was: "Wow. She sure is punishing herself."
Just a few questions to ask yourself:
Is there some reason I feel the need to criticize myself? Am I replacing a parent/teacher who possibly did that because it's something that I've always had in my life?
Is it misplaced guilt because of something I really *should* feel guilt for? Have I not forgiven myself and this is how it's manifesting?
A person rarely does something self-destructive (or destructive to others) unless there is a "pay-off" in it for them. If you can figure out what that is, you may also be closer to figuring out why you feel the guilt.
Another angle: maybe you feel guilt because, just for example, you have a beautiful child, a nice home & good health, but maybe your sister/best friend had a miscarriage, lost her house and is sick? (I know it's an extreme example, but you get my drift.)
You sound like a conscientious mother whose standards are high; and that's good...if your standards don't make your and/or your family's life miserable.
You know the old cliche-"When mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
Is there some reason I feel the need to criticize myself? Am I replacing a parent/teacher who possibly did that because it's something that I've always had in my life?
Sure I am. My mom and stepdad just came over tonight (they hardly ever do) and right before she left she snidely said: "Maybe you should just stop at one (kid.) That way you'll have more time to work on your
website."
I said: "Maybe you should have stopped at 0, so you'd have more time to shop."
Her: "And maybe you'd have time to clean your house."
She goes on and on and on about my dirty house when she comes over. Last time she was complaining all day about a salad I made. DH doesn't even want her over half the time because she is like this. She offered to come watch DD tomorrow but ONLY if I clean my house while she here. I need to take her up on the offer, but I feel all wrong and irritated after every time I see her.
Also, I don't feel guilty because I have something others don't. I mostly can't believe I have such a good life and that I am finally in a happy loving family situation. The guilt for things is driving me a bit batty, but I feel very very lucky right now. I feel blessed that I can even afford to buy this organic food and other things that a lot of people can't afford. I feel blessed that we are all currently healthy and that I have such a bright beautiful little girl! I am tired, though.
Do the flylady. �I must be echoing. �It re-trains your mommy brain and makes you instantly nicer to everyone in your family, including yourself. �You're part of the family too. �And so's your husband. �And so's your baby. �That's important. �Flylady will make it sink in. � And use the cozi calendar. �I put it off but it didn't really take long to import the lists after all and it's fun even if I don't do it perfect. �Hint: �it's not about cleaning. �It's called Finally Loving Yourself. �
I am overly permissive in providing a screen time rich environment. �My brother is a professional video game designer. �My dad works with movies professionally, so I'm anti-sold on the evils of electronics even though I read all the negative beliefs reguarding screen time and attention issues and �lack of imagination. �I don't know. �On one hand I can see it.
Just a thought. �I'm not saying your thread is off-topic. �You could always make a "Gifted Discussions Forum" thread in finding your tribe at MDC and invite us to your thread in your siggy so we're reminded of it & �know about it. �"Davidson Gifted Family Life Spin-Off."
La Texican, I am on flylady right now and I am finally signing up again. When I think of undertaking more things to fix myself / my life, I sort of get a sinking feeling in my stomach. I feel like I'm tackling so many tasks that I'm not good at. Being a first time mom, taking care of a house, cooking healthy food, working on my business... Ugh. Such an uncomfortable feeling of not being successful at any of it yet. I keep telling myself over and over -- Anything worth having is worth working for. I remind myself that I get good at things when I work hard at them and it doesn't mean I'm stupid / a failure when I can't do them right away.
