What aculady says! Also, though, there's absolutely no reason your DD should be getting purees or any special food, and actually, every reason why she shouldn't. So please don't feel guilty about that! Teeth are absolutely not necessary for dealing with lumps - feel those gums! (The teeth that arrive early are not even helpful for dealing with lumps, if you think about it.) I basically never cooked special food for my DS; he sat at the table with us and had a bit of whatever we were eating that I thought he might fancy, maybe mashed with a fork if I thought he wouldn't be able to handle it otherwise. (Babies do apparently differ in how prone they are to choking, and you do of course have to avoid serving food with non-squashable lumps of the size that could easily block the windpipe; that means no slices of frankfurter or whole grapes, though, not avoiding lumps in the mashed potato ;-) Admittedly I did occasionally decide what we were eating on the basis that I wanted to introduce something to DS! Under a year the point of food is not really nutrition, apart maybe from topping up iron stores if you're otherwise exclusively breastfeeding; it's all about being exposed to different tastes and textures and to the fun experience of eating. In fact if she doesn't get any solid food one day, it's not a big deal. Chill, and enjoy your baby!
Thanks. I was reading a book that wigged me out about iron, iodine and DHA. She ate some peas, broccoli and rice tonight, so that was good. I'm all for baby led weaning, honestly, I just feel like I should be giving her lots of food to try right now.
Maybe this should go on MDC or something, but most of my guilt stems from me probably being too idealistic and a perfectionist and from DD never sleeping and needing so so so much from us. You all might understand some of this. But maybe I take it way too far.
OK, 7.5 month is a tough time to be a stay at home mom, in the summer in a hot clim, for a mom with perfectionistic view point - no question...but
Now that you've gotten it out, could you write just as passionately for just as long about how blessed you are at this moment in your life. I suspect that you could. Give it a try! Get it down in writing all the ways you are a good mom and have a good life, ok?
I agree with the rest that it's time to step back and send Dad and daughter out together into the world while you unpack the house, or leave them home while you get out. Or start looking for a regular babysitter or a housekeeper or another mom of a similar aged kid that you can trade babysitting duty while the one who's house it is gets to clean/organize.
You probably are being too idealistic and perfectionist, this appears to be your next challenge. It's a lovely challenge to have and very important to take on. If you don't then you'll turn it on DH and DD eventually, and that will break your heart as much as reading about how you turn it on yourself breaks my heart. This is YOUR life and you get to decide which voices play in your head. I'm much more worried about your 'junk food' thoughts than I am about your 'junk food' diet.
Some people don't eat food that they don't believe in - that's beautiful. But is there any restaurant within your budget that serves food that passes your standards? If so, go there - or back a romantic picnic - or something. Otherwise be suspect of those voices in your head that say you are eating 'crap.' My skin crawls when you use that word to describe your diet. What's so idealistic about beating yourself up emotionally?
So yes, my vote is for you to get tough on your 'thought patterns' and question them and to get back to the main things: Growing your relationship with your DH, learning how to get his help in a sustainable way, supporting his relationship with DD, getting the house into enough order that it can start sending some happy messages, really enjoying those local mom-friends.
It's hard that your DD cries and fusses easily - but that is who she is (Apples and trees?) and your job is to help her accept who she is, rather than treat the situation as a sign that something (her?) is terribly wrong. Some babies are just plain grumpy!
Actually you might try talking to her about it. Sort of: "I notice that something is bothering you. You senses are very alert and you notice many things and that feels uncomfortable sometimes. That's how living in a body is sometimes. We have our ups and downs." or even
"I see that something is bothering you and you are fussing, but you are being really strong - you could be crying full out now, but instead you are hanging in and observing life. Good for you. Thanks for sticking with us."
Hope that helps!
Grinity
Thanks Grin. It is kind of funny you say that about writing about our blessings. I am always talking about how great life is to DH when he gets stressed out about money, or how long our grass is getting, or feeling like he has no time for college.
"Otherwise be suspect of those voices in your head that say you are eating 'crap.' My skin crawls when you use that word to describe your diet. What's so idealistic about beating yourself up emotionally? "
^^^ This kind of reminds me of how eating disorder talk sounds. But I had one of those, and this is different. One on hand, I do have some extreme thinking about it because I LOVE junk food. I grew up on it. I tried most fruits and veggies after growing up, actually. But I also had cancer and I have an autoimmune disease.
If I fail to clean up our diet and stick to a clean diet most of the time, I could be asking for a second type of cancer. I'm at a higher risk of it because I had chemo. It is scary and all the research we have supports the fact that eating a whole foods diet can help protect me from another type.
Am I a little crazy? Yes, definitely. But even my friends who think I am crazy with my food, eco-friendly cleaners, and wooden toys tell themselves I am like this because I have a good reason. (Though they also tell themselves this so they don't have to question their decision to feed their children only chicken nuggets, pizza, and hot dogs and buy all plastic toys...I don't care what they give their children, either, and I don't say anything.)
"It's hard that your DD cries and fusses easily - but that is who she is (Apples and trees?) and your job is to help her accept who she is, rather than treat the situation as a sign that something (her?) is terribly wrong. Some babies are just plain grumpy!"
I definitely agree with this. I don't think anything is wrong with DD at all. She is just spirited or whatever. I think we have many lessons ahead of us where I help her to understand her very intense emotions and learn to cope with them. Hopefully I can help her.
