Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Help with middle schooler lying about assignments

I don't have this challenge, but I wanted to reassure Ultramarina (and others in the same boat).

I had my explosive/defiant/angry at my mother stage in middle school too - and largely about the same stuff (disorganization, or inexplicable lasps in academic tasks that would tank my otherwise good grades). I would scream and shout and say terrible things when my mother tried to discuss it with me.

As an adult, I can see how clearly my parents were trying to be neutral, helpful, authentically concerned (and rightly so). My mother bore the brunt of my emotions at the time and I recall us both reduced to tears multiple occasions. One strategy she tried to use was writing me letters that her concerns - which I would read on my own time, when emotions weren't so at the surface. Of course, I also remember sighing, rolling my eyes and feeling guilt tripped by the letters at the time, even though I've re-read some as an adult and they were perfectly loving and supportive.

I was sent to a counselor (fairly unproductive). Probably the most effective thing my mother did was ask my older sister (13 years my senior) to talk with me about my behavior (yelling at mom). I could hear it much more effectively from her than I could my mother, and for the first time, I felt a sense of empathy for my mom's position.

Ultimately, the pattern changed when I got to high school. We still had typical parenting issues and discussions about organization and grades... but the fury, angry yelling and relationship strain ended after MS. Hard to say what changed other than maturity, but rest assured, if your relationship feels tense now, it doesn't mean it will stay that way. By the time I got to HS, my mother had become a confidant again, and as adults, we're very close.

Maybe consider writing down your thoughts for her to read on her own time, so she can step into your shoes. I echo the advice about having someone she trusts try and talk with her too. The reality is, she probably feels safest with you and that's why you get the worst of it. But it won't be that way forever!