I suspect this particular problem/issue is exogenous and not endogenous.
Well phrased.
Indeed.
Dude, I know
exactly what you're saying there.
I was the female version of you, apparently.
Let's just say that you're not wrong about the female experience being profoundly different. (Scary thoughts for parents of girls, trust me...)
DD's trauma at the hands of an older peer seems to have put tendrils into that realm and made her
terrified of... well, something.
Gosh, I sure wish that she were willing to work with a professional here. I worry terribly about her coping skills. It's a lot to manage for anyone, much less someone already trying to manage adolescence with a huge degree of asynchrony.
We worry that her socially-prescribed perfectionism lends itself all-too readily to maladaptive coping mechanisms. Guess I need to put my thinking cap on again and suggest a greater variety of positive coping skills. Home-brewed CBT, if you will.
Hello HowlerKarma,
I have been reading this thread with great interest. I am a 31-year-old PG male (identified as an adult), currently finishing my doctorate in clinical psychology with an emphasis in neuropsychology.
In reading about your DD, I couldn't help but feel the need to throw in my own two cents, as I happen to be both PG and gay. First, your DD may or may not be truly gay. From what I have gathered, this very well may be experimentation or a reaction to that interpersonal trauma with the older boy. On the other hand, it is not outside the realm of possibility that this is truly who she is. Just as the experience of being PG can be profoundly alienating, so can the experience of being gay. Being both PG and gay can send an adolescent straight into an abyss.
I wish that my parents had acknowledged who I was when I was your DD's age and had assured me that being gay was perfectly acceptable. (You may have already done this with her.) Instead, my parents tried to subtly and kindly steer me away from it. I could acutely feel that they were hoping it was just a phase, which was very painful and rejecting despite their loving intentions.
The good news is that if she is in fact not gay, she will realize this in time. Your reassurance about being gay will in no way solidify a gay identity in her if she is not biologically wired to be so. On the other hand, if she truly is gay, your reassurance and acceptance will mean the world to her. So, in my opinion, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by openly addressing this with her and reassuring her.
I realize that this advice was unsolicited, and I hope that I have not offended you.
Best Wishes.
