Lots of questions, I know, but my sense from your brief exposition is that she isn't being attracted to the younger children, but is recoiling from some aspect of living as an older person. Obviously this isn't an experienced parenting opinion, but I have BTDT somewhat as an accelerated preteen and can sympathize personally with your DD.
this was my thought too - any chance this is related to the college discussions and tours and she is just afraid of the upcoming changes and is reverting to not be "ready"
DeHe
I wondered about this too.
To be honest, I wouldn't over-think this situation too much. I suspect part of this is very normal-age-related behavior - trying to fit in somewhere and experimenting with different places/groups to fit in with. I'd try my best to expose her to other groups of kids - whether younger, older, or same age - because the one thing I've noticed with the kids we've been around is the type of behavior you're observing from the *other* kids is most likely less related to how smart your dd is or how far ahead she is academically than it is related to how any one particular group of children socializes in general - some groups of kids are very kind and welcoming, others tend to bully or make fun etc. I am in no way a gender-biased person, but in the limited number of sample groups my own family has had the chance to experience so far... the drama and emotion etc seem to be much more prevalent among the girls
OUr experience has also been that the behaviors of the children in groups varies quite a bit based on how the adults that surround those children are modelling behavior and whether or not an emphasis has been placed on inclusiveness and understanding and kindness.
Soooo... my thought is to let go of the worries over SAT scores and not worry about whether or not your dd is, at this moment in time with some groups of kids, appearing to "dumb down" to fit in, or what the age of the kids is - but instead focus on getting her exposed to different groups of kids - through a camp or through a special-interest group or through a class or whatever. Accept that it may take a few tries to find a group that she is comfortable in and wants to be a part of.
The other thing I'd focus on is keeping communication open between yourself and your dd - which I suspect from having read your posts here, you do a very good job of already
Also keep in mind she, as an individual, may not have the same needs/wants/desires in relationships that you do - I know you know that intellectually but as a parent myself, I find that a bit difficult to accept at times
About finding a counselor - I'm not so sure that even if you could find a good fit counselor this is a situation that really needs it as much as it is a somewhat typical stage most teens go through (impacted of course by your dd's high intelligence). We've had similar frustrations finding a good counselor fit - I don't personally think it's related to intelligence of the counselor vs counselee (is that a word lol?) as much as it is a function of how all of us, as human beings, counselor or not, are seeing the world through our own set of filters. When my kids were younger and I sat in on a few counseling sessions, I often felt that the counselor was going to apply their own ideas about what was up no matter what my child said... so instead of paying someone to listen and help my child come up with independent solutions, I was paying for a canned treatment - which is usually not what people seek out counseling for. I realize this isn't true for all mental health professionals (and most likely only applies to a fraction)... but it definitely makes for a challenge trying to find a counselor, particularly for our children.
Best wishes,
polarbear
