HowlerKarma --
I'm a little late on this thread. Have you made any progress with sorting through all of this?
I logged on today to see if there were any recent threads regarding existential angstiness or depression, and this conversation caught my eye.
My take, fwiw: When you're around 13, the need to fit in and belong takes center stage. It overtakes all the other variables. When you're outside the norm intellectually, you're already set up to feel your "differentness" acutely. It can be painful. So, maybe you flop around from one group to another, trying on identities to search out that sense of belonging your psyche craves so strongly. Maybe you blame your otherness on being gifted, so you try to deny it a little bit.
My experience: I was one of the two smartest kids in my grade throughout elementary school. When I hit the end of fourth grade, it became socially detrimental. In sixth grade, a classmate told me that when I got a B on a math test, it made me seem more human and normal, and he was nice to me. A lightbulb went on! In seventh grade, a six year experiment in personal social engineering began.
I tried: going with boys two grades younger, going with a high school dropout, hanging out with the "freaks", hanging out with my creepy grown-up fast food manager, hanging out with the "brains", hanging out with the skaters, getting really, really drunk.....all while maintaining honor roll status despite my best efforts. I'm not sure if there is anything a well-meaning adult could have done or said to alter this course --- although perhaps that vision quest may have helped.
In the end, I returned to my roots. I accepted my geeky nature and settled down and produced geeky offspring of my own. And the cycle continues...
I wish you all the best in helping your daughter through this interesting and tumultuous time in her life.
Kitty
