When a kid can successfully manipulate adults, it creates anxiety. It's hard for a kid to have so much power.
Nodding my head sadly. I have not always done well in this regard. DD has seen all too well the way she can reduce me to frustration, anger, and, occasionally, tears. I know it scares her. But holy CRAP, she is one.powerful.little.being.
Something else to do during this pre K time is service. Get her to think about someone else's needs and see the positive effect she can have. Get her to think of a way to ease someone's suffering, or make life easier for someone. Even if it's to bring mom the hangers or take care of a pet.
Great idea. Service is very meaningful for my DD. She also is extremely connected to animals and nature. DD also responds well to responsibility, although it can be a tricky balancing act to find the *right* responsibilities. Unfortunately, she is not the kind of kid who gets chosen by teachers for special responsibilities due to her nonpleaser personality and unpredictable tendencies. Last year's teacher got it anyway and gave her special jobs, but this year...noooo.
ETA--regarding this:
I should also point out that DD is, despite all the chaos that she engenders, incredibly happy. She has an almost comically high self-opinion that seems to persevere in the face of great frustration on the part of her teachers. Her particular brand of anxiety tends to immediately externalize, become opposition, escape, or (less frequently) a tantrum, and then burn itself out. Once it is over, it is over, and she blissfully moves on with her day... until the next incident.
YMMV, but DD's self-esteem seemed fine, even a little inflated, at 5. At 9, it is low. I'm not sure what changed other than maturity and possibly just years of negative experience.
Like your DD, she "blows over" quickly--it's the rest of us who are struggling to recover while she is often quite cheerful after the incident "burns out."
