I should also point out that DD is, despite all the chaos that she engenders, incredibly happy. She has an almost comically high self-opinion that seems to persevere in the face of great frustration on the part of her teachers. Her particular brand of anxiety tends to immediately externalize, become opposition, escape, or (less frequently) a tantrum, and then burn itself out. Once it is over, it is over, and she blissfully moves on with her day... until the next incident.
What do her teachers say about this ? My kid had a very high self-esteem, even in the face of great frustration on the part of his teachers when he was in preschool. He would not escape, but he would pretty much ignore the teacher (or have an explanation of why he is doing what he is doing) and does what he wants (basically, not follow the process steps as outlined by his teacher, and would pretend play with the materials). His teachers kept saying he is not learning that his behavior is not conducive to learning. However, despite that, he learned a lot (started reading prior to age 4, could count to whatever number in the 100 thousands, could accurately tell you what any number was (like 234,768) etc. Now that he is older, I have asked him about it and he told me he disliked being told what to do and how to learn. He still does, to a certain extent, though he has tempered it down quite a bit.
