marytheres I can tell you that after beating my head into a brick wall over and over about IEP violations I found the silver bullet was a meeting with the superintendent. It wasn't easy to get - the district staff see it as their job to keep parents away from her. Once we laid out what was happening she handed down word "the IEP is to be followed to the letter." You may want to consider this route.
Remember that my situation has gotten *very* contentious so take this with a grain of salt. I would absolutely not take it upon myself to notify the paras or the specials teachers. That is not my job. If the people who are responsible for implementing the IEP choose not to do their jobs I will NOT do it for them. I will go to their supervisors and have them insist that they do it properly. I have come to realize that often school districts rely on the naiveté and inexperience of parents. Even smart, committed, educated parents have a learning curve. The number of times I have said "If I knew then what I know now..." Well now I know and I have learned the hard way. If it is in the IEP they have to do it. Period. If they don't I will hold them accountable.
Of course I have a situation where we have a principal who has been intentionally trying to cause DD harm - I don't get the sense that you have that. There may be some disagreements about what your DS's needs are or how best to meet them. They may think you are overprotective or "enabling". But if it is in the IEP they have to do it. I would consider asking your advocate about accompanying you to a meeting with the spec ed director or superintendent. I think that will be your best bet for addressing the big picture of how you and this school (or school district) are going to work together moving forward.
This is exhausting and frustrating and feels as though it is a bottomless pit at times. Stay strong. You are doing what needs to be done for your son and you are doing it well.
