Actually, I still think she's spectrumy! But now we have had THREE professionals dismiss this concern (one when she was three, two recently...but she's still never been formally assessed....I think I probably need to ask again, but they were so dimissive of the idea at our last appointment!) To many professionals, she apparently just does not "read" spectrumy.
What type of professionals have dismissed ASD? If the brush-offs are coming from people you need referrals from (like your pediatrician?) If you are having on-going concerns about this, I'd put together your list of concerns, as well as some info if you can find it addressing how ASD may present differently in girls than in boys (and how it may present differently in gifted children), and ask once again for a referral to a developmental pediatrician or a neuropscyhologist (I am not sure which type of professional you would see for an ASD diagnosis for a child your dd's age).
"The National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders[55] state that children with Auditory Processing Disorder often:
have trouble paying attention to and remembering information presented orally, and may cope better with visually acquired information--I don't know; maybe?
have problems carrying out multi-step directions given orally; need to hear only one direction at a time--possibly; actually, maybe yes; this is a weak area
have poor listening skills--possibly
need more time to process information---possibly
have low academic performance---no
have behavior problems--in some situations
have language difficulties (e.g., they confuse syllable sequences and have problems developing vocabulary and understanding language)--definitely not
have difficulty with reading, comprehension, spelling, and vocabulary--absolutely not; areas of very high performance
Each of the items on this list can also be a symptom of numerous other types of challenges... plus when a child has one type of challenge they usually don't fit a "yes" neatly on all the potential symptoms associated with that one challenge - hence making parent diagnosis from internet lists not terribly reliable
You've been looking for a reason to fit your dd, and doing a ton of research and thinking about it - but ultimately (jmo) I think a look by a professional is what you need to help put the pieces of the puzzle together in a meaningful way, rather than grasping at "it could be this" based on you trying to read as much as you can and make a stab at a diagnosis and then looking at a narrow evaluation just to rule out that diagnosis. I don't think your dd has been seen by a neuropsychologist yet (?) and if she hasn't, I'd seriously consider it (or the developmental ped).
A thorough exam by an audiologist who can assess for CAPD may also be worthwhile and can't hurt - but I would put a priority on a more comprehensive basic evaluation first.
polarbear
