Dottie, so maybe your friend just needs to hear that you think she did a good job as a parent? Remember my (borrowed) theory that we argue when we feel insecure, not when we know we're right? This seems to be a prime example of that! Maybe you really do just need to give her the reassurance you detailed:
1) her kids are very bright and 2) she did good by them.
Maybe giving her those pats would open the floor to discussing LOGs with her and freeing her up to accept the friendship in a more balanced way again. (Maybe not, but maybe.) If she thinks you hear her, maybe she won't feel the need to be competitive anymore?
You know how I feel about rampant emotionalism, but it seems like this is one case where the fact that you understand how she's feeling might really help you to connect better with her.
Just a thought...
