She is defensive: if we try to show her how to do something, she cuts us off (even if she has asked for us to help), refuses to listen, and gets angry. She alternately claims to know how to do everything and is highly offended with any instruction and is paralyzed by fear that she is doing it wrong or poorly.
This sounds like DD. This is an ADHD thing? Where does it "come from," so to speak (like, what is the deficit causing this)? I wondered if this sort of thing was anxiety.
I know no one can diagnose over the Internet, but sometimes comparing cases does help. I see two possibilities that bother me--1) DD gets a diagnosis that isn't really right and it colors our perceptions and others' in ways that affect her negatively; 2) DD does NOT get a diagnosis and therefore is unable to take advantage of accommodations that could help her.
I have thought about looking for a social skills group for her, but am not sure that's really what's needed. It's like she needs...coping class, more than anything. More skills to manage her emotions.
