DD has a ped visit scheduled and I'm going to ask for a referral. The hard part is that I don't really want DD to listen to this conversation.
You can offer the ped. the list you've given here, in writing-- so your DD is not overhearing a list of faults. I'd even expand on them, giving examples. This is a very good sort of thing to keep in writing, so that when you get the referral and the eval is long and complicated you don't lose track of any information.
I have over time gotten less cautious about talking about these issues in front of my DS. I am careful about how I say them-- choosing "DS worries a lot about small things, and that concerns me" rather than "DS is too anxious," where the latter wording might imply "something wrong with him."
I think it is actually helpful for DS to hear me say to a doc, "I think this is a problem for him, and I'd like your help in solving it"-- it gives him the perspective that what's going on now is not forever, and that problems can be solved with the right help, and it's OK to ask a professional for help. I want him to know these things, so I model it.
IThe three things I consider possibilities are ADHD, ASD, or anxiety (or more than one), but nothing ever seems quite right from my layman's perspective.
Many items on your list, taken together, do raise the possibility of ASD/Asperger's. Keep in mind that a person doesn't have to have every symptom on the list to be diagnosable, just a cluster of them. Gifted kids usually compensate like crazy, girls especially often try to sleuth out social cues so they'll fit in, so they are harder to diagnose. I think you're right to ask for a referral-- let the best neuropsych you can find sort it out.
Kudos to you for pursuing answers. No matter what, I think having answers is better than not, because I trust informed decisions.
DeeDee
