Ultra, you referred earlier in the thread to her tendency to do socially inappropriate things, the tendency to misunderstand social cues, to become enraged where others would not-- these are social issues. Does her dislike of teasing and tendency to misconstrue affect her relations with peers?
Often a child with ASD is sheltered in the early grades by some "mothering" peers who steer the child about what to do-- and then in 4th grade, when things become infinitely more complicated socially, the mothering stops and you see that the child doesn't have the social radar to keep up in that environment.
I frankly find it unlikely that you are an inattentive or otherwise inadequate parent. More likely that something is going on that makes her more difficult to parent.
Here are the DSM criteria for Asperger's (copied from a site not the DSM's because I'm short of time, but I think they're correct)--with my notes--
A. Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:
(1) marked impairment in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors, such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures to regulate social interaction [NB includes things like not picking up on others' nonverbal cues or looking in the right place to gauge facial expression]
(2) failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level [may include getting by through very conscious compensation-- doing with great effort what other children do naturally]
(3) a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g., by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)
(4) lack of social or emotional reciprocity [my DS desperately wants good relationships; but he tends to make mistakes that annoy others]
B. Restricted, repetitive, and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests, and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:
(1) encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity or focus [in my DS these are academic interests, and change frequently-- chemistry, astronomy, math-- this seems typical for gifted/AS]
(2) apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals [can be repetitive writing, desire to pursue academic interest in a repetitive way, a love of categorizing information exhaustively]
(3) stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g., hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements)
(4) persistent preoccupation with parts of objects
C. The disturbance causes clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
D. There is no clinically significant general delay in language (e.g., single words used by age 2 years, communicative phrases used by age 3 years).
E. There is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age-appropriate self-help skills, adaptive behavior (other than in social interaction), and curiosity about the environment in childhood.
F. Criteria are not met for another specific pervasive developmental disorder or schizophrenia.
So yes, these are judgment calls-- the presence or absence of any one observed trait doesn't rule ASD in or out. But if enough of these features pile up (not necessary to have all, but some) a diagnosis is considered appropriate.
There's also PDD-NOS, which means a person has some but not all of the features for AS or autism, but that those features are enough to affect that person's functioning.
The ADOS is the best test I know of to systematize these judgment calls.
HTH,
DeeDee
