I am happy that we got an actual diagnosis this time, but I had hoped she might be able to tell us why he is like this when almost everyone else in our family was athletic. But I don't think we will try to get an appointment with the neurologist now because the doctor said we will never know for sure what caused the dyspraxia. She asked if I took any medication when I was pregnant with him and I told her just the headache medication recommended by my doctor. She said it could have had something to do with the forceps delivery, cord around the neck, possible mild birth asphyxia, etc. or it could been something else and she thinks it would be a waste of time and also expensive to do an MRI or anything else the neurologist might order when it doesn't change anything.

I was surprised that my son's heart rate would go up at the mere mention of learning to ride a bicycle, when speaking or acting and singing in a musical in front of a lot of people, which would send me straight into a full blown panic attack, doesn't. This is so sad. All of the activities that kids are expected to do and are supposed to be fun stress my kid out. On top of being different because of giftedness and not quite fitting in except with other gifted kids because of that, simple childhood activities stress him out.

The doctor asked him what kind of shows he liked to watch on television. He said he didn't watch very much, but the shows he did watch were usually educational in some way and he also told her liked to listen to the news every day. She told him to stop watching the news and to watch kid shows instead.

I thought she would tell me to make him practice writing more after I told her that typing worked so well that we sometimes forgot to work on handwriting, but she said I really needed to talk to the OT about that. I don't know how soon we will be able to get in to see the OT.

When he starts getting OT and making some improvement, then I think I will have him start taking those baby steps in doing things that he is not very good at in front of other kids.

But I keep thinking about how having to give oral reports in class when I was a kid never helped me get over my fear of speaking in front of a crowd. As an adult, I had choices and chose jobs that didn't require speaking to groups.

At least when he is an adult I think it will be easy for him to find jobs that don't require coloring, lots of handwriting, bike riding, etc.

Sometimes I feel really confused about all of this. I am supposed to make him do things that are supposed to be fun for kids but he tells me that everyone else's idea of fun is not his and he doesn't want anything else added to his schedule. He wants to have time to have fun his way.

So today, for breaks we will get out his Dance, Dance Revolution and his Guitar Hero (he has one, just doesn't use it all the time) and we will just try to have as much fun as we can.