Reading and processing the information at the links you provided, @raphael. I'll add to this post bit by bit.
VERY INTERESTING that several commonly accepted practices in grief therapy may even be harmful. For me, this underscores that
science is never settled. What is accepted/promoted/believed at one point in time, may subsequently not age well, fall into disfavor, when newer research does not support it. I do prefer the theory that people are naturally resilient, as I find it positive and hopeful, providing something to look forward to: a person can shake the dark cloud of having made a poor decision, or of having been subject to something unfortunate. While I'll leave empirical evidence to researchers in this matter, I'll share that it calls to mind this anecdotal evidence: TV interviews I've watched after a large storm passes through: Counter-intuitively, I see people who were bypassed by the storm complaining mightily about having been inconvenienced to evacuate... while victims of the storm who lost their homes and possessions express immense gratitude at being spared their lives and the lives of their loved ones, and look forward to rebuilding. It seems these are indeed the fortunate ones, as they have gotten in touch with their priorities.
I read your Sartre, and counter with Kant ("What if everybody did that?").
In reading about the DALY and applying or mis-applying the concept to self and those around me... possibly we are growing younger...? (As we subtract Disability-Adjusted Life Years from our age.)
Regarding getting stuff done properly, someone on the forums has shared a great thought to counter perfection: "
Done is better than perfect." So when getting stuff done properly, not all things need to be done meticulously. One can set their own standards... this calls to mind a TV program on organization and storage which recognizes people have different styles or preferences:
Clutterbugs.
In reading of << social support... personality, motivation, grit - to manage myself out of difficult situations... being very careful to not lose all structure again >> the MyPillow guy comes to mind. I read his book, "What Are The Odds." He lived very close to the edge... for quite awhile... it could've gone either way for him... fortunately he learned from his risky decisions and chose a better (though no less difficult) path.
In reading the I-Thou theory, certain parts instantly resonate with me, and yet I will raise caution. This idea may be somewhat difficult to convey as everyone has a different knowledge base, so I will quickly lay some groundwork or foundation by sharing two brief observations:
1- Hallmark movies are rather positive and predictable, depicting an idealized and very safe world where one may routinely think positively about strangers, rightly so, and find that very rewarding.
2- Criminal Minds is a TV series in which pure evil and deception masquerade as friendly strangers and neighbors just down the street.
That brief knowledge base imparted, I will share that in my observation and experience, real life is like "Hallmark meets Criminal Minds." Therefore a big part of daily life, and a crucial skill to master, is: establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries. Become open and vulnerable
gradually. Trust must be earned over time, as a person states what they will do, and then follows through, in a manner which demonstrates that you can consistently count on them to do as they say and say as they do. They walk the talk. To bottom-line this: Rather than accept the I-Thou theory of thinking positively about a stranger, I would suggest being open-minded to future positive thoughts, after observing/evaluating attitudes and behaviors of a stranger, with the idea of determining how much distance would make the most positive relationship: a little or a lot. Then establish boundaries which maintain that amount of distance.
From my brief reading of the CBASP and making connections to other information over the years, this is my take-away: As devastating as a lack of validation and affirmation may be, it is orders of magnitude worse if coming from one's own family... who are generally thought to provide a safe landing space, but are failing to so (thereby leaving a kiddo with NO safe landing space, no support). A kid in this position may typically not have the words, logic, gumption, and backing to describe the problem and effect a positive change, as all the power rests with the adults in the family. Being powerless, the kiddo develops a pattern of avoiding addressing issues. As the kiddo matures into adulthood, s/he may still feel powerless as they've not experienced practice in negotiating relationships within the family. Therefore they may not have developed skills related to observing/evaluating others, successfully establishing/maintaining healthy boundaries, negotiating give-and-take compromises in relationships, and determining who has earned their trust. Sounds stressful. But on the bright side, these skills can be learned with practice!
