Originally Posted by momoftwins
Originally Posted by HowlerKarma
But this leads me to another really important point about people like my DD. They can't win with others, and it isolates them horribly.

They have two choices--

a. accept exclusion gracefully, placidly, and serenely-- with perfect poise and manners, in which case others will use it against you as a reason TO exclude you (OH, it's okay to hold the meeting at the {allergen-laced} restaurant {that DD can't even go into}-- she said she doesn't mind! smirk or--

b. Show that it gets your goat-- be sulky, or sad when people are selfish or mean or petty about it. OH, well, then in that case, it's an example of emotional immaturity.


Yes. This. This begins in KINDERGARTEN (or earlier), and they are expected to be happy and smile and say that it doesn't matter (even if it does.)

Teachers try to tell me my son is immature because he won't accept food from them unless they have spoken to me. But he knows in the past he has been given "unsafe" food by people who should have known better, so really, it's not immature. His LIFE is at stake, and he knows it - that's not immaturity.

A friends kid was told by a teacher that something was ok to eat the other day. Turned out it was made with almond meal and she has a tree nut allergy. Her reactions have been getting more severe with each exposure and that caused he first anaphalaxis. It has been decided in future she will only eat food made by her mother and her best friends mum but I can't help wondering whether next time contact will be enough. The parent who bought the food probably didn't even know there was such a thing as almond flour. It was labelled gluten free and she probably had some vague concept that it was for people with allergies.

There are people who claim allergies they don't have but it is more ignorance. Lactose intolerant people may be able to manage some but someone with a milk allergy can't, celeic are more affected that someone with a gluten intolerance, some peopleget headaches from nuts and say they are allergic but some people die. It is also easier for a child to say they are allergic to something than that it gives them explosive bowel motions. And I know a few complete idiots - I know a woman who claims she is so sensitive to caffiene she can't have 1/8 of a teaspoon in a cake but drinks coke. The fact there are morons doesn't make your concerns less important though and certainly doesn't justify putting a child's life at risk.