Mk13, this must be hard on you and the rest of the family as well. Obviously, your DS2 is suffering and I'm not sure if there could be any positive outcome if you choose to continue for the rest of the school year.
What does concern me here is the intensity and pervasiveness of his reaction to what he perceives as stressors in his environment. Be it be PDD-NOS, social anxiety disorder, both, neither, or one of the two plus something else, he needs to build tolerance and I'm not 100% sure if the social opportunities you can arrange on your own for the next three years can fully facilitate his social and school skill development. I considered homeschooling and no preschool for DD next school year but I opted for a part-time preschool 2 x a week because as she got older, more of her friends were going to school full-time and it's hard to replicate the school atmosphere anywhere else. Library story time comes close but it does not provide free play time with a consistent set of classmates.
I know you and your husband opted out of SPED preschool but what about a part-time regular preschool with a skill trainer (both paid by your local educational agency)? If that is his least restrictive environment where he can make meaningful progress towards his IEP goals then that is where he belongs. Or do you think it'd be awhile before he is ready for any group learning?
There is absolutely no way he could be in a group setting for now. It would turn into a much worse version of what we are going through right now. I don't believe he will be like this for ever. It just seems that structured world is too overwhelming for him for now and he needs more time to learn how to relax in it. He may be a very different child a year from now. It's probably hard to believe from how I've been describing him in my various posts but he has taken HUGE steps in the right direction in just the past 6 months. So we know he is working hard in his own way to be where he needs to be. He just needs to do it on his own terms.
He is very perfectionist in what he does and both therapy and school overall challenge that side of him too much. He has ways how hew wants to do everything and needs to take the exact steps he planned otherwise it isn't correct. Once he's a year or two older he will be a lot easier to reason with. There is not much good in pushing too hard now.
