We have run across lots of teachers and other adults in the "cry it out camp" who believe kids will just "get over it" if parents butt out and let the professionals handle it. This was a bigger problem at younger ages but I have always felt/known this approach to be wrong for my child.
My son is like yours in that if someone tried to force him to do something he would no longer trust that person. He would remember it for months and there would be no going back. From a very early age this was true. Other adults who "knew better" would not believe me despite my instructions and would invariably ruin the opportunity for me to healthfully involve my child in that situation.
I agree whole-heartedly that you need to trust your instincts. This is a bad fit for your child and the therapists are not listening to and respecting you. I don't trust any "professionals" who do not respect a child's parents as fundamental partners in the success of therapy and true experts in who that child is and what he needs.I hope you can make a change that gets more effective results for your goals.
YES! The remembering the negatives for months is what they don't seem to get! The previous speech therapist (through Early Intervention) made that mistake (against my advice of not pushing so hard) and during that session, 3 months before aging out of EI DS completely shut down for her since then would yell at her at the door "Go away! Bye bye!" for weeks! Eventually he would let her in without sending her away so quick but would instead go into a full ignore mood. No matter what she did he would not respond to her. She was only allowed to tickle him and then he'd go back to ignoring her. And she still didn't understand! She asked "what's going on with him?" and I explained to her that he didn't like to be pushed and she said something about that happening weeks ago. And when I replied that yes but he REMEMBERS it she couldn't believe it would have that much effect on him.
He is a classic example of kids who need the Floortime approach. Joining them in what they enjoy not pushing them into other activities. How is it that I have heard and read about Floortime and the therapists haven't? Or perhaps they have and choose not to believe in that therapy style? It's clearly what he needs. That's what I do with him and he's more compliant than DS4.9 who has the need to fight me on everything.
