From the other perspective let me just say that we also picked up on things early and were told over and over that DD was soooo far ahead of the curve that things that were age appropriate just appeared to be deficits. In our case, though, it turned out that they appeared to be deficits because they WERE deficits. I can't help but wonder if things would be easier for DD now if we had been able to convince people to follow through on our concerns when we initially brought them up.
Ditto to Pemberley's experience. 4-5 is a *tough* age because it's true that developmentally, the things you've mentioned may be right where a child is supposed to be - or they may be signs of a potential learning challenge, and it's really too soon for a teacher etc to know for sure just from academic performance. There are two red flags for me in what the OP wrote: 1) you're worried - I tend to trust a mom's instinct, and... 2) your child has a close relative with dyslexia. Dyslexia and related LDs may cluster in families. I'd also look for emotional clues in your ds - does he do his schoolwork happily or does he fight it, get frustrated etc.
FWIW, our ds has severe dysgraphia and many of the symptoms of stealth dyslexia as defined by the Eides. He also was doing everything you mentioned above that your own ds is doing - at almost 5. When he started talking, there was no doubt he was amazingly intelligent - the kind of intelligent that had adults' jaws dropping when he spoke. He went to a Montessori preschool for several years - and never chose any of the work that involved writing/learning letters etc. We tried teaching him the alphabet at home and he wasn't interested. In the meantime he was building amazing Lego structures, drawing incredibly detailed art, creating amazing tiny and detailed clay models, and talking like an adult. He loved loved loved having us read him huge books, but he wasn't interested in learning to read. We kept thinking he was a quirky smart kid (and he is lol). Then he got to kindergarten and he didn't write much. When he did write he reversed those letters you mention. This is a brief synopsis of my conversations with his first three years of elementary school:
K: "Should we correct him when he reverses his bs and ds?" Teacher: "No, it's developmentally appropriate. All the kids do this at this age."
1st: "Should he still be reversing his bs and ds?" Teacher: "Don't worry! It's completely developmentally appropriate. Lots of kids still do this at this age. We don't worry about that until 2nd grade."
2nd, beginning of year: "It seems like he is still reversing his bs and ds, and we thought he wouldn't be doing that by now." Teacher: "It's not unusual to still be reversing b and d in 2nd grade. We don't worry about that until 3rd grade."
2nd, spring of second semester: Our conversations with the teacher were over, ds was having panic attacks at school and at home, and his world was imploding on him.
These were a few of the other things we heard from teachers along the way:
K: "You just think he's smart because he uses such big words when he talks."
2nd, beginning of year: "Your ds isn't smart. He's lazy. He's staring off into space when I am talking to the class. He won't write anything."
2nd, spring of second semester: "Your ds has ADHD. I know it, I've seen it before."
FWIW, our ds does not have ADHD. He did have severe anxiety by the end of 2nd grade due to not understanding why he was having such a hard time trying to write when all the other kids in his classes were moving ahead and he couldn't figure out how to make the letters work on paper. We saw a private neuropsych that spring semester of 2nd grade and that's when he was diagnosed. Could it have been caught in testing earlier? I can't tell you that for sure, but I know that there were two key things that showed up on earlier IQ testing that he'd been through for a gifted program that were red flags: a relatively large dip in Processing Speed (coding) vs other subtest scores, and extremely low handwriting speed observed by the person administering the test (who felt it was nothing more than perfectionism). If we'd been to a neuropsychologist at that point in time, I don't know if they could have reliably given the extra tests he received in 2nd grade and made a diagnosis, but I know they would have asked additional questions which would have been enlightening and we'd never given a thought to: questions about early development (when did ds start crawling/walking/talking) etc. Other questions I can't remember right now too! One question for sure - did we have relatives with dyslexia or learning challenges (we do).
My two dds have also both struggled learning to read - for different reasons. One had severe double vision, the other has a deficit in associative memory. Neither one of those were things that were in any way obvious to us until they both entered school and started learning to read and it came slowly *as well as* started writing and we saw things like letter reversals etc.
So clearly I fall in the camp of - it can't hurt to look into it. You have a worry and you have a family history of dyslexia. You might have your ds tested and find out he's right on track developmentally and there is nothing to worry about and you know what? That is powerful information in and of itself - you'll know you don't have to wonder or worry! OTOH, if he is dyslexic or has a related challenge, you'll be able to start now with remediation and accommodation, and trust me, you'll be glad you knew early. Even if it hadn't helped at all with academics, if we'd only known in kindergarten that our ds is dysgraphic it would have relieved so much worry and anxiety in *his* life that we just didn't realize was there.
Best wishes,
polarbear
ps - syoblrig was posting at the same time I was, so I didn't see the post until I'd posted, but... fwiw... if I'd seen it I would have said "ditto" to everything there too!
pps -I realized when I re-read all of this it probably sounds dismal and scary - and it's not! My ds is going into 7th grade this year and he's doing *great* in school.
