I should be able to brag about her some, be proud of her and mention her accomplishments without others thinking I am insulting them or comparing her to their kids...
That's actually not how most of the moms here relate to each other. I don't know your local norms, of course, but it would be seen as totally out of line to say "she only started violin a few weeks ago and she's already caught up!" It would be fine to say "Butter is so glad to be taking violin! The program seems just right for her!"-- a compliment to the community. Most of the moms here share information, talk about how things are going in a vague general way, ask each other questions about extracurricular opportunities or vacation destinations; they do not offer specifics about their children's achievements, because it's considered inappropriate here (in my community).
I have a few close friends with whom I can be open about the full good-and-the-bad, and I talk to them about it. But it is absolutely not the stuff of the conversations at school dropoff and pickup or before the PTA meeting.
The worst is Girl Scouts, where I feel she is under a magnifying glass by my supposed "co-leaders" who mostly don't understand her unique way of looking at the world and think she is "acting superior" or like she is too good to do things like everyone else *sigh*
I think this is an opportunity to do some social skills training for her. If she is doing things that make other children feel funny, she can be taught why this is and how not to do it. This is not a matter of "not being herself," but again, about discretion and how to fit in better by not hurting others' feelings. (Wait until you are sure that kid is interested in science before talking about the insides of stars with them! is a good piece of social information for her to have.)
If it's just the parents, you may need a combination of discretion training for her (learning to participate) and voluntary discretion for you, if you want Girl Scouts to continue to be a viable option.
I think that's kind of just part of life in a community.... neither good nor bad, just a "what is" thing.
DeeDee
