Welcome! My first comment would be: first think about education for your son, for whom it's a more urgent problem... You describe him as "likely gifted" but it may be that your yardstick is off; it wouldn't surprise me if he also turns out to be PG. Certainly self-taught reading at 2 is pretty rare (in general, although not on this board!)
I agree, and by educating yourself through the process of getting your son's needs met, you will be getting the world ready for your DD. The best way to get an idea of your son's level is to spend a few hours objectively observing the local kindergarden classrooms. Would the activities, lessons and books on the shelf be engaging for either your son or your daughter now? Given their personalities, what would be the likely effect of 3 or 6 hours a day of that for 9 months?
Read - Genius Denied by Jan Davidson
Read - 5 levels of Giftedness by Deb Ruf
Read - Transforming the Difficult Child by Lisa Bravo
So here's the deal. You may live in one of the few Chicago Suburbs where lots and lots of High IQ families exist, and if so, the public schools might be just fine with lots and lots of flexibility on everyone's part. Private gifted schools are aimed at the top 5% of kids, or maybe 3% of kids. They may work fine for some PGlets (top 0.1%) or (top 0.01%) and be awful for others - but because they are generally so successful with their target version of 'gifted' they are rarely able to perceive that PG kids really are different and need something else. This is just a human nature thing - the more successful we are, the less open we are to the idea that we are totally missing the boat once in a while. I'm sure you know some local parents who think that because their children are well behaved that they have the key to parenting. It's like that - magnified by 1000.
This is also why sometimes modest school systems work better than 'we are so proud of us' public school systems, although if you can find one of those 'best of the best' there can be enough other similar kids that things go really well.
No Magic Bullet. No Magic Mirror. School of Hard Knocks is the only way for you to learn about life with schools of any kind.
I would start learning everything I could about homeschooling if I were in your shoes. There may already be an underground network of people who are homeschooling and don't even know that they are homeschooling because their kids are have special -advanced- educational needs.
(Kid who are gifted tend to have parents who grew up gifted - and those people are ripe for believing that bricks and mortar schools are horrible places where
no one learns -(which couldn't be further from the truth)- of course we think that - it's the only way to maintain the illusion that we are 'just normal folks like everyone else-nothing unusual.' I was like that, but took it one step further - I totally bought the idea that the schools were the place where one learned to fit in and this is the most important thing in life. Yup. I got a crash course in the school of hard knocks!)
There may be co-ops where you drop your kids off in the AM and get to keep your day job. I would be moving towards a life situation where if one adult needs to become a homeschooling parent instead of a wage earner, your family's financial life isn't in jeopardy. So yes - stop thinking about selling the house and taking on more financial obligations unless you know '100% for sure' that this is the place for your child. If only your school problems could be solved that easily!
I've collected some names of local psychologists that folks here have liked, but I can't remember who contributed this one -
http://www.drmarkmckee.com/Home_Page.htmlWebsite says that he does public speaking, so I would keep my eyes peeled for one of his speaking engagements and attend so you can start to figure out who you will use for IQ testing when the time comes. With kids like your son and daughter, they really need to be tested by someone who has a lot of experience with highly gifted kids. As kids like yours get older and meet more and more adults who react to them as if they are a side show, they tend to get resistant of cooperating with 'that sort' of adult. This can generalize to testers who act 'overly impressed' with PGlets. They need someone who is self aware and gives respect to all people regardless of age - without behaving as though they have much preconceived ideas of what folks should be like at any particular age. You need a tester who treats your children (and you!) as though it's normal to be intelligent and understand things. Some people are just blessed with the ability to flexibly react to other people while dialing up or down, IQ and otherwise, how best to communicate - it's amazing when you see it in action.
I love Colin's Mom's suggestion:
I suggest having a browse around here; one useful technique is to keep your eyes open for people who write things that chime with you, and then go and read the threads they've started (click on the username to the left, choose View posts from the menu) - at any rate, I've found that a useful way to read about the experiences people with similar children have had.
Also post something in the Geographical Topic area - you may get lucky! Finding family friends with similar kids (or close enough) is mind blowing. I saw a whole side of my son that I hadn't know was there when I got him together with some boys I met through Davidson Young Scholar's Program. I have chills just remembering it now, and that was 7 years ago!
Love and More Love,
Grinity
