OTGMom -
Wow - seems like you've caught the spirit of NHA so well, after so short a time! I'm impressed.
My thought is that I can't wait until you learn about the reset, as I'm guessing that the 2004 tape probably showed a 'time out' that was a sort of big deal.
The reset, is something that is such a little deal that one might not mind using it 30 times a day if they had to - just a calm 'bummer broke a rule' and a big fuss the minute the child stops the broken rule behavior, even if only to catch their breath, or wonder why mom isn't yelling (LOL!!)
The idea is to reset after little infractions and not let things build up to the point where there the parent is feeling quite put upon.
((Caution to lurkers - don't introduce the resets until the child has gotten used to the compliments, and can 'take a compliment' well, and you yourself have gotten comitted to the idea that a child can't learn anything while things are going wrong. The idea that children need our energy doesn't make them bad, it's just the way things are, so positive energy has to be reliably in place before it works to remove the negative energy.))
For me, the happy welcoming back after the reset is the hardest, and saying 'reset' aloud is the 2nd hardest. Luckily at our house they evolved into 'microresets' which I can do:
DS: MA, GET ME A PENCIL
Me:((facial expression that expresses that I'm mildly suprised, as if the kitchen table was suddently making a vote for what we should have for dinner. Quickly followed by me turning away and focusing on something else))
DS: Oh. ((facial expression that show that he suddenly remembered that it's against the rules to adress me in that tone of voice.)) Hey, ma, sorry about the tone of voice. Next time you are passing this way, would you bring me a pencil?
Me: Sure. Thanks for asking so nicely. It shows that you are respectful.
Mind you, if DH is around he will be quite steamed that DS is even asking me to bring him a pencil, or that I'm willing to bring the pencil. And there is part of me that is so embarrassed that a child of mine, at this age still forgets and acts like one of the bad children from Willie Wonka. But this is, compared to what it was, a big step forward for us.
I don't think that all children are 'negative attention junkies' or even that all gifted children are negative attention junkies. And I know for a fact that not all unusually gifted, male,unaccomidated at school,only children are negative attention junkies, because I've met one or two along the way. But boy-oh-boy, I think that there are plenty who are, and hope that if NHA is as useful to those families as it was to mine, that the word gets out.
((And believe me, once my son hit the school system, I got told over and over about how older, professional parents like myself tend to spoil our only children, which I still resent. Somehow blaming me - however nicely - didn't seem like it was going to fix things for my son at school. Personally I think that some intense kids cause themselves to be only children, and that gifted kids with siblings are much less isolated and less unacommidated, in general, than unusually gifted kids without siblings.))
Love and More Love,
Grinity
