I've had several conversations about natural consequences. It's something I've had issues with from time to time. Say, for example, DC doesn't want to brush his teeth. The natural consequence is that he develops cavities which require not so pleasant visit to the dentist which also costs the parents money. It's not a consequence the child will understand in the short term. My friend's 9yr old has had numerous cavities filled which is terrifying for him, yet after a few days, it wears off and he's back to not brushing his teeth. To me that's a natural consequence.
Now i've read it should all be about natural consequences. If you say, we aren't leaving for that playdate until your teeth are brushed, that is not a natural consequence. Now, it might be an agreed upon consequence w/ DC as in "Son, this is what happens when you don't get your chores done which includes brushing your teeth," but it's not a natural consequence, it's an imposed consequence. Is that the same as a punishment in the kid's eyes?
A friend related this to me from a a child psychologist she was talking to about consequences. You give Johnny a piece of gum. You tell Johnny not to blow bubbles b/c he will drop his gum in the dirt and he won't get another. Johnny doesn't listen, blows a bubble, drops his gum in the dirt. He asks for another piece. You say no, he understood the consequence of his action. What little Johnny really understands is that mommy doesn't want to share b/c he knows she has more gum in her purse. Of course, her 6yr old was being seen by the psych so this wouldn't hold for an older child.
I often revert to examples using DH's job. DH has 15 people under him. What would happnen if a few of them decided not to do their job when they are supposed to do it? (I let DS think up things that might happen.) I tell him it's the same w/ the family. If they don't empty the dishwasher in the AM, the dishes back up at lunch time. LUnch is delayed b/c we have to stop and unload the dishwasher so we can clear away the breakfast dishes blah blah blah. And some days, I wish I could just say "It's time to unload the dishwasher" and they just do it w/out discussion.
