I don't buy the assertion that teaching our children to comply with appropriate rules and expectations for behavior is the same as teaching children to obey inappropriate or unsafe directions given by other adults. That is a separate teaching point. As a parent I believe it is my responsibility to teach my children to differentiate between reasonable rules and expectations (which I expect them to follow without wasting everyone's time or making everyone else miserable) and inappropriate, dangerous or otherwise unreasonable rules, directions or expectations. I think that the evidence favoring authoritative parenting over permissive, neglectful or authoritarian parenting, is compelling.
(brief summary here for those interested but not familiar:
http://www.athealth.com/Practitioner/ceduc/parentingstyles.htmlYou'll note the word obedience and obey both appear in the description of the authoritarian parent and not at all in the authoritative parent.
I think you'll find the downside of obedience argument is one that you will find in many authoritative parenting books including the one I suggested.
I understand it might be nice if we could expect our kids to obey because we said so and think that they will boom turn that off like a switch when obedience is to something else we approve of less, but that really isn't how the brain works. They need the lived experience of learning how to think critically and voice opinions. That isn't to say every minute of every day has to be a never ending series of discussions about taking out the trash. It does mean though we need to put efforts into planning and talking together.
